Monday, February 7, 2011

Post Partum Depression.

  I moved this post here: PPD


maritessb said...

Awe Margaret. You're great. And finding this out about you... on the outside it's not so transparent. But good thing you went for help. I've started going back to church and working out too. I used to love both. Sometimes that break makes you realize how much of a life balance they both provide. Hang on in there girl. You're an amazing person. You'll get through this. Thanks for sharing.

East Coast-er Momma said...

I can't wait until we talk tomorrow. It's going to be great :)) Because you're not alone.

Moorea Seal said...

i am really thankful that you posted about this. as someone who is afraid of the idea of ACTUALLY being married, in it, making the effort, fighting through the struggles, and then on top of it, BABIES, god it is good to know that the women out there who are married and have kids are still HUMAN!!!

i have no hope for myself if i just see women being super heroes all the time, never admitting they need help or the fact that there IS struggle in raising a family and being a real woman!

You are a real woman, a truthful and honest woman. and I admire your courage to not only be able to let yourself realize you are depressed, but to share that with others. You will work through this and you will blossom, knowing you are not perfect but still whole and a full woman despite being a human with struggles. dude, i have SO many struggles and I have battled depression my whole life. Right now I am depressed and had a good cry session yesterday because I am trying to throw myself into my work, sustain it, and somehow live and survive as well. i have only $300 to my name right now in savings and in my bank account. i have school loans to pay and no one else to rely on. Sometimes i think, shit, what am I doing. I am throwing myself into business and have barely any time to do anything else! where am I? why am I doing this?
But we need to constantly ask ourselves these questions in good times and bad, in situations that a hard and situations that are incredible and beautiful like running your own biz or being a mom, a wife, and more.

i am like you. my emotions are strong, and my feelings are always powerful. i love to LOVE. and i love to give. and I can get lost in it.

yesterday was Max and my 1 year anniversary. I started bawling crying when we met for lunch. he brought me flowers and a little cute trinket. And didn't bring him anything. I wanted to buy him expensive tickets to his favorite band's show. I wanted to make him something incredible and special. I wanted to write him a song. But I couldn't do anything. And I felt like shit.
I have no money to buy him anything. And I've been SO overwhelmed with work for the past 2 weeks that I never got more than a few mins to sit and think about what to make him.
I feel fulfilled in communicating love through gift giving. And right now, I can't do that. It feels like I can't be me. And it feels like my love won't be seen or heard if I can't communicate through gift giving. It makes me so sad. And I just was SO sad yesterday that I couldn't give to Max, showing him how much I love him. I guess the bawling crying tears + me blubbering "all i want to do is show you how much I love you" through the tears, probably showed him how much I love him :) He knows I love him. But i don't feel as confidently me when I can't give.

I think you probably feel that. You and I both find a lot of comfort and identity in giving giving giving. It is so hard to be firm in oneself outside of that. But we can do it. God didn't make us loving and giving people to make us feel guilty or sad!!! He wants us to feel balanced, and unashamed when we can't be perfect.

i love you my friend and I understand. I know i will go through this when i have kids. God, i went through it when I was raising my sisters! I only made choices based on how it would effect my sisters and how they viewed me. healthy can surprisingly turn into unhealthy after a point. constant sacrifice can turn into soul sucking if you don't keep an eye on it.

i'm praying for you, and hoping i can learn from you in this journey too. i need to learn similar thigns as you right now. coping with being overwhelmed, anxiety, depression, and all that. We'll make it through <3

love you so much.
xo Moorea