Thank You Leif!

Kayaking a few weeks ago!

   Leif, tomorrow we'll celebrate us, celebrate what we started over three years ago.  There are so many things that I could thank you for, but I want to specifically thank you for being such a supportive and understanding husband to me.  I know these past few months have been crazy around here with the start up of my photography business, but you have not once complained. You have come straight home from work, taken over dinner and gladly watched the kids so I'm able to go out and shoot or meet deadlines.  You've given up most of your weekends to stay at home with the babies while I have sessions and meetings.  And you always try to have dinner ready for me when I get back:) You have worked around my schedule, making sure that what I need to get done gets done. Thank you for always getting up with the kids at night if need be and letting me sleep and for doing the dishes before you go to bed! You have sacrificed so much these past few months and I hope you know how grateful I am. It doesn't go unnoticed. I wouldn't have been able to do all of this if it wasn't for you! Sometimes things are difficult without the help of family but you handle it all so well.

   Thank you Leif. I love you. I'm blessed to be married to you and have you as my main support system.  Thank you for thinking I can do anything and for encouraging me to just go ahead and do things! I love that you believe in me. It makes it easier for me to believe in myself. Basically, thanks for being my biggest fan, for always rooting for me, and for always pushing me to do my best.

         I don't understand why its been so hard for me to blog lately.  I just can't seem to get into the groove.  Its not that I don't want to, I do.  I start blog posts all the time and promise myself that I'll go back to them. I don't. I move on to something new.

   Ever since my life became a lot more hectic blogging has taken a backseat. Before it was so important to me to record as much as possible. I still want to, but I'm having a hard time forcing myself to write.  I like when things come easily, but nothing seems to come that easy anymore.  I think it might be because I have so much on my mind constantly.  Thoughts going in so many directions.  Ah!

   I do miss the blogging world.  I miss being able to share events and happenings with family and friends. I hope that soon I'll be able to get back into the swing of things... Until then, know I read all of your blogs and just because I don't comment doesn't mean I don't care! I try to comment as  often as possible.  And to family and friends who read this to know whats going on with us, I'm sorry! We're all doing well and I will assure you a good update is coming!

My Babies Daddy.

  I love watching Leif with the babies.  I love watching him play with them, read to them, snuggle with them.   Sometimes I envy his way with them.  He's much more patient and calm with them (unless Riley gets food on the rug and couch, or touches his shoe boxes).  I watched him comfort Riley early the other morning at 5 when she was upset... Instead of asking me to handle it since he had to go into work early, he simply laid there with her, talking to her and reminding her that it was okay.  Instead of falling asleep, I watched and was thankful for this man.

  This is one of the things I wanted most out of a husband. Someone who would be a good, loving father. That's what Leif is.  It amazes me how much he loves his children.  Hearing him boast about them to his friends has to be one of the cutest things.  He's such a proud papa.  He's always telling our daughter that she's beautiful and loved. Something that is so important for her to hear.  He takes time to just sit with Beck and talk to him.  Beck never laughs as much as he does when hes with Leif.  My kids are so blessed.  And I'm a blessed woman to be married to such a man.

   I love that Leif is the man I get to have and raise children with.  He is the perfect father for our babies. 

I need a babysitter!

The hard thing about living somewhere with no family means no babysitter when you just want to go out with your husband. No afternoon trips to the movies, or grocery shopping without the kids. And a weekend trip without kids? Ha!

Its hard on a marriage when you don't get to go out alone or just time alone period. Its hard being in mommy & daddy mode constantly. Leif and I have been learning this these past few months, especially these past three weeks. I love my babies, but I love my husband also. I miss him. I miss us. When I called my mom the other day she told me: "I've been praying for you. Is everything okay?" I told her "No, its not!" My parents have been teaching a class on marriage for years so I'm always more than happy to hear what their thoughts are on things (except sex). Apparently its normal what Leif and I are going through. My mom basically said we have to make an effort to go on dates, and sit down and talk. Before we could just decide right on the spot that we were going out... I knew this but its gotten even harder now that we're in Monterey and plus we don't really have anyone to watch Riley and Beck.

I wish a babysitter would just show up on my doorstep. (Or my mom::hint::) That would be great! Where do people even find babysitters? Church? In their neighborhoods? Through friends? Pray I find one soon because I think we might go a little crazy over here.

All of you mothers that live close to family I am jealous. Never take that for granted!

We actually got to go out to dinner this past week with friends
while my mother in law and Jan were down here visiting:)

Leif pointed out last night that I've been negative lately and its discouraging him. At first I got really upset, because normally I'm not a negative person. Plus no one likes to hear that they're discouraging their husband. I didn't want to believe that I was that kind of wife. No! We argued about it for awhile, and eventually I had to agree with him. I'm not sure I agreed with him outloud though, :) I've had a terrible attitude lately and when I thought I was being honest with Leif about things bothering me, I was just complaining. Awful.

I hate hearing things like that. Its hard to hear that you've been putting someone down, even if it wasn't directly, when you should be building them up. I always want to build my husband up, encourage him, support him, love him. I didn't think that my complaining was going to affect Leif in any way but it did. And in a bigger way than I thought. I'm thankful he talked to me though and was willing to listen. I don't enjoy arguing with my husband, but I think the discussion we had last night was important and needed. I spent a lot of the morning praying, asking God to change my heart and outlook. I think theres going to be some changes made:)

This is my theme song for this time in our life.
It has been since we got married.

"I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house
And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done"

Effort.

I'm learning that being a mother comes a lot easier than being a wife a lot of the time. I think this is because so often a child has constant needs, to be fed, clothed, washed... While a spouse has needs but they aren't always so obvious. Its easy to put your spouse on the back burner. Its not always on purpose, its just, you get caught up in being a mother and taking care of your children. They become your first priority.

The best wisdom I ever heard from a woman who had been married more than 30 years was: "Always put your husband first. Always be working on your marriage. Your children will always need something from you, even when they're grown. Your marriage cannot wait until the children are out of the house."

To put your husband first doesn't mean to neglect your children. No, it just means to be aware that your husband needs your attention just as much as your children. He needs time with you just like your children do. Leif and I are finally finding a balance when it comes to us and Riley. Through out the day and even the night we do little things for each other that are reminders that we are thinking of the other and we do care. I do the dishes for Leif and clean the kitchen, even though I hate it so much. It means a lot to him. He gets up with Riley every night because he knows that I've spent my whole day taking care of her. I fold his laundry a certain way that he likes. He'll come home from work and offer to watch Riley so I can either edit or go to the gym. I will wake up early so that I'm able to make breakfast and spend a few minutes with him before he's off to work. Rarely does Riley get a bath that doesn't include all three of us. That's one of our ways of spending time together. We're constantly trying to figure out ways to bless and love each other, be it small or big, amidst being busy and having a baby.

Ever since having Riley we have made a point during the week to just sit and talk. Its not as easy as it once was when was just the two of us. It takes more effort, and we really have to find the time. But we make it happen. Like last night, we dropped everything we were doing, just laid in bed and talked for a few hours. I like our times together like that. Its so good for us. For our friendship. For our marriage. I also think its good for us as parents.

Not a day goes by that I don't feel blessed by my husband. His love for me is always evident and he takes any opportunity he can to show it. God is so good:)

2 Years.

Leif and I are celebrating two years of marriage today. And to celebrate I'm posting tons of pictures from the last two and a half years that we've known each other. They're not in order cause its more fun this way:)

Going to Monterey for Leifs interview

Going to Santa Monica

Favorite.

The day we got our fish.

The day we found out we were pregnant with Riley.

Waiting to fly back to California

Disneyland around Christmas Time

Leif's 22nd Birthday

First family dinner after having Riley.

Oregon

Downtown Fullerton

Returning to La Mirada

We stole these Superbad Posters from Blockbuster

Pumpkin Patch

The night Leif proposed... after we eloped.

I threw a masquerade

One of our first pictures together

I love this

Leif used to fit into my jacket

I love this

Hanging out in Pasadena a month or two before we got married.

Halloween and mini golfing

Thanksgiving at the Ranch

I had a weave.

Double date at Downtown Disney

Another double date at Downtown Disney with my best friend

Dressed up to go to the Elephant Bar.

Dancing at the Masquerade

My first time in Seattle

:)

The only time we went to the beach together.
Leif hates the beach.

Disneyland.

Waiting to go back to LA

Oregon this past December.

Downtown Fullerton

Pregnant with Riley.

To: My Husband.

Dear Husband,

Thank you for bringing me my favorite flowers without fail every month on the 15th or a few days after:)
Thank you for putting me first after God and always being willing to serve me.
Thank you for never making me get up with the baby when she can't sleep.
Thank you for helping me when it comes to buying clothes and dressing.
Thank you for doing my chores when I had morning sickness.
Thank you for never complaining when I ask you to do things around the house.
Thank you for going out late when I have cravings.
Thank you for watching music documentaries late into the night with me.

I could keep going...
I love you Leif & I can't wait to celebrate two years of marriage this weekend.

Because I'm missing you:

Dearest husband this song is for you!


I wish you were here right now. We'd dance to this song and all our favorites.

Remember: Home is wherever I am with you.
Friday can't come soon enough!

Also check out Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros. The version of this song is better on their myspace and the song Janglin' is awfully fun.

Choosing what's right. Not easy.

Life has become less than perfect in our home. Routines have been broken and we find ourselves, again, adjusting to something new. Sometimes that is embraced, while other times it is met with disdain and frustration. Like recently:) Although it would be easy to choose the road of grumbling and irritation, Leif and I want to choose the one that is a bit harder. Less traveled some would say.

Things haven't been easy around here. Its been starting to show, mostly in the arguments that have been happening between Leif and I over this past week. We've been taking our frustrations with the way things have been these past few weeks out on each other. Today we took time to just talk and be honest with each other. To look at what may be causing the strife. I love that when my husband and I have discussions, they never turn into the blame game. Its very open and we make sure we are truthful with each other. It's always encouraging instead of discouraging. Leif could take this time to tear me down, but he uses the time to build me up. And I hope I do the same for him. I left the discussion knowing what I needed to work and Leif left knowing what he needed to work on. No one was hurt or upset. Thank God:)

We haven't taken the time to talk with each other in the way that we used to and need to. Our main focus lately has been Riley, our apartment, making sure things are in order, work, school... There hasn't really been us-time. Even worse, there hasn't really been any God-time. At the end of our conversation we came to the conclusion that we need to continue to take the time to spend with just each other. Talking. Praying. We also need to take a lot more time to read the Word and pursue our Maker. That's what our marriage is founded on and without that we will not be able to make things work.

We are taking steps to make sure that the arguments happen less. I know we're never going to not argue, but we can make efforts to be a better spouse to each other. We can make sure our actions and our words are uplifting instead of negative. We don't have to take our frustration and anger out on each other. Its easy to do but its not the right thing to do:) I think that we both would rather do the right thing than the easier thing at this point. Our marriage is a way to honor God, not displease Him. Leif and I want everything we do to be something that brings honor and praise to God. A marriage is included in that.

While we have some work cut out for us, we're excited to be back on track. I'm blessed to have the husband I have. I don't like that I take him for granted sometimes... I want to cherish and love him everyday, even on the bad days. I can't do that on my own though. I'm so grateful for a Father who is more than willing to help me.