8 weeks!

My little man is 8 weeks old today!

Celebrate!

Whenever he's awake he is smiling and cooing.

Especially when Riley talks to him.

He's always watching us so intently.

I love it.

I love watching him get excited.

He waves his arms all over and kicks.

Its adorable.

I can't imagine life without him.

All I want to do is snuggle with him.

On Monday he'll be turning 2 months.

Where did my newborn go?

6 weeks.

I love when he smiles at me

&I think this face is adorable.

I could stare at him all day and still be amazed that he's mine.

Mr. Beck, you're growing up so fast!

Happy One Month!

My baby boy is one month old.

He turned one month last Friday.
Normally I would have blogged but I had two of my best friends staying with me
and so who has time to blog when theres catching up to do?

I have fallen behind on blogging so I'm hoping to catch up this week!

Happy 1st Week of life!

Beck is a week old today!

Originally today was when he was going to arrive,
but he had other plans and came a week early:)
I think he was excited to meet his big sister!
Plus surprises are always nice and I did wish that I could go into labor on my own.

So far we've had a good first week. Haven't lost as much sleep as we had planned, and 4am seems to be our new family time. Riley likes to get up when we're feeding and changing Beck. She sits there, kissing him and holding his hand. I look forward to our early morning times together. &I'm learning that my children are individuals. I keep wanting to compare Beck to Riley but am finding that there is no comparing them. They are both very different and I am loving that! After our first night at home, I observed the obvious differences in my children, and I was amazed! I remember praying and thanking God for this, for making my children the way they are. I thanked Him for His work and design in them. Only He could make two people come from the same parents and be their own person in every way. I love that no two people are the same, even if they seem so alike.

God is amazing like that.

Beck, I hope that this first week was good.
I promise the following ones will be even better.

Late night update:

We're still in the hospital. I was a little bummed at first that we were staying an extra night but its ended up being beneficial. We wanted to be sure about Beck, that he was eating enough and that his blood sugar was staying stable. I'm very ready to be in my own bed, to actually sleep longer than a half hour a day. I forgot how hard it was to sleep in a hospital with people constantly coming in and out. Plus I have to make sure I'm feeding Beck when I'm suppose to and taking my pain medication.

Currently I'm waiting for Beck to wake up. He's a good sleeper, sometimes too good. Its hard to wake him. No matter what we try/do, if he doesn't want to wake up, he simply won't. Leif got to feed him tonight, which I enjoyed as much as I know he did. We're going to try to do at least one bottle feeding at night so I can get a break. This time around I'm keeping a journal of basically everything Beck does. Its helping me remember when I need to feed him, pump, check his diapers, let him sleep, so forth. I always thought people that did this were a bit silly and maybe a little paranoid? But now that I've been doing it, I'm learning its not silly, not one bit. Its been really helpful to me and Leif. I'm sure its helpful to Beck:) I mean, seriously, if I didn't check his feeding times he would probably go without food. He's already skipped meals because of sleeping!

Well it looks like my son might not wake up when planned, so I'm going to try to fit in some more sleep. Excited that tomorrow I'm going to go home and be able to be with both of my children!

A photo.

Just because he's adorable
&
looks like daddy.

Beck Update:)

Holding Beck for the first time.

So... night number two went pretty well. Leif stayed the night so that was a little helpful. Not as helpful as I would have liked though:) He kept falling into a deep sleep and it took so much effort to wake him up... I'm pretty sure it would have been a lot easier to just call the nurses to watch Beck when I needed to use the bathroom or put him back in his bassinet. Right now Beck is on his daddys chest sleeping away. I love it.

Someone warned me that the second night is usually the hardest when it comes to breastfeeding. Thankfully on the breastfeeding front, things went smoothly. Beck continues to latch on without trouble and my milk is starting to come in. The difficult thing about last night though was staying on schedule with feedings. Beck had low blood sugar when he was first born and has been on an IV for most of our stay here. I have to make sure he's getting fed every 2-3 hours to help make sure his blood sugar stays up and stable. Every feeding is usually an hour or more so sleeping was a bit of a challenge. I'm looking forward to being able to pump a bit so Beck can at least have one bottle at night and mommy can get some sleep! Late in the afternoon they finally took Beck off the IV, but kept it in just in case. We're currently waiting for his count to go up so they can take the IV out completely and we can (hopefully!) head home today! (Happy happy news! Melissa, the wonderful nurse who has been taking care of Beck and pushing to get his IV taken out, just came in to remove it!)

I've been recovering pretty well. They let me out of bed early to shower and finally walk around yesterday and it was heavenly:) I think you're suppose to spend at least 24 hours in bed but the nurse said we didn't need to wait that whole time. As soon as I got the "ok" I was up and about as much as possible. We also had a lot of visitors through out the day which helped being stuck in the hospital bearable. It was great sitting around and having my close friends here to keep me company and to love on Beck. Funny how no one knows this little guy too well but we all adore him and can't get enough of him. I felt so loved yesterday, and I'm pretty sure Leif did as well. Everyone has been more than willing to help out when needed, and even willing to come back today to keep me company again, haha.

The best part about yesterday though was being able to see Riley. Leif wheeled me to the outside of the hospital, where other parents were saying hello to their children, and I got to give and receive kisses from my little girl. How I wish she could be here with us now, getting to know her little brother, but I know she's enjoying time with grandma. &Soon enough the four of us will all be together. That thought blows my mind: There is now four of us. God is amazing.

Also, the more I look at Beck that more I realize he looks almost identical to newborn Riley.
I'm pretty sure the only difference is Riley had black hair when she was born and Beck has light brown hair with blond tips. Even the way he cries is a quieter version of Riley's cry:)

Our first night together.

I was a little nervous about my first night with Beck. Partly because it meant I'd be trying out breastfeeding, and partly because I'd be by myself. Since Beck was a c-section baby, I was allowed to leave him in the nursery in between feedings. Leif didn't stay over night with me and since I have to wait until this morning to be able to start walking around they don't want the baby staying in the room... I don't mind because that meant sleep for me! It turns out though, Beck has a very good temperament, and even if he had been in the room with me I would have slept fine.

The crying I witnessed earlier when he was first born was what I thought I would be hearing all night. I also assumed he would be impatient like his older sister when it came time to eat. I was wrong. I probably heard Beck cry twice last night. Once because he was cold and the second time because I stopped him from feeding to switch to the other side. Even the nurses commented on how he only cried when they changed his diaper and calmed down right away. I like the sound of this... Maybe this means having him share a room with Riley will work out a lot better than planned? We'll find out soon enough:)

About the breastfeeding. I prayed and prayed through out my pregnancy that Beck would latch on right away and we would both enjoy this time together. I don't have a negative view of breastfeeding but I don't have the most positive. I was confident that this time around breastfeeding was going to work out. And, it is! Beck latched on almost right away and has been feeding really well. Something I once dreaded I look forward to now. I couldn't sleep half the night because I was so excited to feed him again, to have him lay on my chest and just look up at me. I understand now why women love breastfeeding their babies. I feel blessed that I get to experience this.

I missed Leif tonight but at the same time, I liked being by myself with Beck. I liked that our first night together was just the two of us. This last night was definitely a night I'm going to cherish. One hour until I get to feed and snuggle with my baby boy again!

Baby Beck is coming today!

It looks like we'll be meeting Beck one week early:)
I'm having my c-section today at 1:30pm.
Please pray everything goes well!

Hopefully I'll have photos up by this evening!

Breastfeeding?

Infant Riley

While pregnant with Riley, I read up on breastfeeding as often as I could. Every article I read said that breastfeeding is essentially what every good mother does; formula feeding is only done by selfish and incompetent mothers. I wanted to be a good mother, so I figured, of course I'll breastfeed. When Riley first got here, I tried, but neither of us were enjoying it. I remember thinking after meeting with the lactation consultant everything would work out fine, but it didn't. Riley was always upset and impatient. She kept trying to latch on but could never manage to do it. I remember dreading to feed her one night because it was a battle that I always lost. But I forced myself to keep at it. I started crying when she started screaming because I felt like I was failing her. Leif took Riley, and began feeding her formula. At the same time, he looked at me and said: "Margaret, you don't have to do this. I;ll support you if you choose to give Riley formula. You're not a bad mother". And right then and there I decided to stop attempting to breastfeed, and pumped instead. I pumped for a good 6 weeks before switching Riley to formula completely.

After I made this decision I got a lot of negative reactions from people - comments like "You didn't try hard enough" to "I don't understand why you wouldn't give your child whats best for them". My own mother was upset about my choice to bottlefeed. I remember being at her house and a friend who was pregnant stopped by, and they both questioned me about why I gave Riley formula. They hinted that I didn't try hard enough, that I wasn't patient and was only doing what was easiest. Honestly, I think in some ways breastfeeding is easier than formula feeding. It bothered me that no one listened when I tried to explain and no one cared to support me. I hated when people asked "How long did you breastfeed?" because it was always the same reaction, they always gave me the same look. It was hard for me to understand why people cared so much about how I fed my child. Why couldn't they simply try to be supportive, even if it wasn't something they agreed with?

For awhile I felt guilty. As if I was the worst mother ever. But then I would remember that my child was healthy, that she was growing and developing above and beyond what was expected. I loved feeding her, even if it was from a bottle, and I loved that Leif was able to feed her so I could sleep at night :) Sometimes I'd get up with him and watch him feed his daughter. I cherished those moments. I wouldn't go back and change things. Not at all. I do wish family and friends had been more supportive, but at the end of the day, I knew that my child was being fed what was needed to help her grow and develop, even if it was formula.

Everyone keeps asking if I'll breastfeed this time around. If it goes better than the last time, then yes; but if it doesn't, I'm not going to sweat it - and I'm definitely not going to beat myself up over it. I'm just hoping for the best:)

Gratitude Thursday: Surprise!

I'm grateful for the girls here in Monterey.

Last night was girls night out, and what I thought was simply dinner at a Japanese restaurant, really turned out to be a baby shower for me! So fun:) I have wonderful friends here in Monterey. I love them dearly. I really wasn't expecting a baby shower this time around so it was a nice surprise. Like really, what a wonderful way to show a friend you care. Plus we didn't have to play any ridiculous games, just sit around and enjoy each others company. Very refreshing.

I'm so blessed to have met the women that I did when I moved here. They have helped make my transition to Monterey so much more enjoyable. I hate thinking about the fact that most of them will be leaving in the next few months though. Why must the military take away my best friends?! Despite impending departures, I am happy with the time we've shared and the times we'll share in the future.

I am constantly thanking God for their friendship.

So excited!

We finally got the exact date that Beck will be joining our family:)
February 26th I'll be having my c-section and meeting my little boy.
I can't wait!

Only a few more months.

I'm 6 months pregnant... 26 weeks to be exact. Its hard to believe that in two and a half months we'll be adding another member to our family! We still don't have an exact date of when Beck will be born and I'm so anxious to find out when it will be. I think after Christmas we're going to be able to set up the date.

I'm also anxious to get this baby off of my sciatic nerve. For the last few months I've been having the hardest time walking, standing, sitting and just moving because my son has decided to rest on my nerve:) Riley rested on my nerve a bit but never to the point that I wasn't able to move! Honestly, the pain is a lot worse than my labor was and my c-section. Times like these I'm so grateful for the internet! I've been able to research ways to help relieve the pain, and avoid it all together. Praise Jesus!

Despite the morning sickness I had the first 8 weeks & the back pain, this pregnancy has been really good. I wasn't sure how I would handle being pregnant with a toddler but things have gone smoothly. I think a lot of it really has to do with Riley being such a good baby. I can't tell you how helpful it is to have my child never fight me when it comes to her naps, having her play in her play area while I clean, not having her throw tantrums or even cry once though out the day... Its really a blessing when you're tired from not sleeping enough and without very much patience:) Of course come the weekend, when Leif is home, Riley doesn't want to nap and throws plenty of tantrums, haha.

This pregnancy has been a lot different than Riley's, but I'm still enjoying it and being blessed by it constantly. God is good!

Last Year::Riley's birth.

This time last year I was sitting in a hospital bed waiting for Riley's arrival. I had been induced at 8 that morning and we were expecting her to come by that night... But she didn't come. I remember thinking that I was going to be there all week just waiting. I wasn't making any progress, even with the pitocin all the way up. I remember getting contractions but thinking I was just having cramps. The doctor would come in every few hours and tell me she's arrive within 3 hours. She still didn't come. The following day, even after having my water broken there was no progress. Finally later that night we decided to do a c-section because apparently my hips were too narrow and she was brow presenting. All I could think about was how I wasted two days of my life in a bed when we could have cut her out hours ago.


Most people would have been upset about having a c-section. That's what they tell me:) It didn't bother me. I was just happy that my baby girl was finally here and safely. I remember meeting her for the first time and thinking she was too pale to be my child but I loved her anyways! (Here is the post we posted after she was born: Riley's birth) I think everyone got to hold her before me. I was okay with that. When I finally got to hold her, I was in amazement that God gave her to Leif and I. I had a hard time believing that the baby growing inside of me the last 9 months was finally here and was even more wonderful than I had imagined.

We got to take Riley home on Thanksgiving. I was so happy about that. I was scared I would be spending Thanksgiving in the hospital, especially since I had had a c-section. I had barely stayed two days when my doctor gave me the okay to go home. I was so thankful and excited to be able to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family and also introduce Riley to everyone.

This year I'm even more excited for the holiday because Riley will be one, eating with us, and playing. Such a difference in one year! I'm so thankful for my little girl and the joy she's brought to our lives!

11 months.

In three weeks Riley will turn 1. For the first time I actually cried a little today because my tiny baby is no longer tiny. She's huge. She walks and attempts to talk. She can feed herself and laughs at everything. She enjoys pulling things out of baskets and off of shelves so she can reorganize them. She also enjoys screaming at me when she doesn't get her way. :)

The other night Leif and I were going through all her pictures and videos from birth on. It amazed me how much she had changed in just 11 months. I have a hard time remembering what it was like getting up with her every two hours or having to hold her bottle for her. I knew time would fly by, so I tried to enjoy these things, even when it was at 2am in the morning. Sometimes I miss those moments, but overall I'm grateful she sleeps through the night! I do still miss having her sleep in between Leif and I, even though I always ended up on the edge of the bed. If I try to get her to sleep between us now, she just wants to play.

I love the way things are now though. Every morning Riley snuggles with Leif and I and kisses us over and over. She plays in her play area while mommy gets things done around the house. When it's time to put on her shoes, she hands them to me and holds up her feet. When its time to eat, she'll say "yum yum" over and over again. I love that I can actually read to her now and she'll pay attention. She constantly pulls out books and brings them to me. My favorite is when she reaches for me or points at me when she'd like me to play. It usually only happens when Leif's around, but I don't mind. I'm always amazed at what she's learned and how smart she keeps getting. And I think I'll only continue to be amazed as she gets older.

I'm so grateful for my daughter. And grateful for these last 11 months!

And we're having...

...a boy!

Leif and I both thought it was going to be a boy
because we wanted a girl so badly. We're happy though!
I'm looking forward to actually being able to buy the boy clothes
I always look at when we go shopping for Riley.
I think Riley will enjoy having a little brother!
And having a girl and a boy should prove to be exciting!

Halfway There

I'm 20 weeks with baby #2, almost 21. I've made it halfway! And since I'm not going the full 40 weeks with this pregnancy, then I'm a little past halfway. Its definitely going faster this time around... Part of me likes that but part of me wishes things would slow down a bit so I could enjoy this pregnancy the way I did when I was pregnant with Riley. Its just hard when you have a 10month old running about. Keeps you busy, which is good on most days:)

This coming Monday we are going to be finding out the sex of this baby... We're hoping for another girl. We're also debating wither or not we should share the news right away or keep people in suspense! We have a few days to decide... You'll know the verdict come Monday afternoon. Pray that all is well with this baby!

Oh and this picture is especially for the grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, great aunts and great uncles:

This time around.

When I was pregnant with Riley I signed up for every baby site, had them all send me email updates on her growth, and I had a countdown to the big ultrasound. I read What To Expect When You're Expecting religiously and a Your Pregnancy-Week by Week. Leif and I bought clothes before we knew we were having a girl, and as soon as we found out it was a girl, went on a shopping spree. We bought her crib, stroller, dresser and pack and play months before she was going to arrive. We even set them up and had her room done in August... She wasn't suppose to arrive until November. I was constantly aware of being pregnant, its all I thought about and all I could think about was November 22nd. Riley's due date. I was careful about what I ate and I ran every morning. I wanted to stay healthy and I wanted Riley to be healthy. Instead of giving into cravings I would eat fruit. I didn't make a birth plan, I just wanted to go with the flow. Which made it easier when I was in labor for 36+ hours, resulting in a c-section.

This second pregnancy though, things are different. I have the hardest time remembering how far along I am. I have no idea when my big ultrasound is, and honestly, its not something I've really thought about. I still get email updates but I usually delete them. People keep asking me about this pregnancy and sometimes I've forgotten that I'm pregnant. Sure, I'm more tired than usual but its not something I think about often. I haven't picked up any of my pregnancy books and I'm okay giving into some of my cravings. I don't really have the time like I did my first pregnancy. I like it better this way:) Its going by faster than the first time, plus I actually have things to do. My days are now filled with playing with Riley, the park, play dates, photography sessions, making dinner, cleaning... So forth.

Also, while Leif and I really wanted a boy, we're hoping this baby is a girl instead. Mostly for Riley's sake. I've been thinking about it and I would love having two girls. God knows though. Leif and I, and Riley, will be happy either way!

Just wanted to say that...

I love being mommy. Especially to her.
I love hearing her say mama and getting kisses.
So excited that I get to experience all of this for many years to come, not just from her
but baby number two that's on the way:)
I am so blessed.

*I promise I will get back to regular blogging as soon as I can. Editing for this wedding has been taking longer than I planned, ha:) I've been preparing for a few upcoming shoots too. Oh! And Leif and I have been house hunting! I misssss you all!

Independent.

I have a very independent child. She likes to do things on her own. She'd rather crawl and cruise the furniture than have you hold her. She hates when you help her hold her bottle or sippy cup. And lately, she has decided that she will not let you feed her any food unless she can do it herself. I had the brilliant idea to put her snacks in a bowl for her, and set it on the floor by where she plays. She loves this idea. She also loves dumping everything out of the bowl and then eating her snacks:) She always looks so proud and claps a few times for herself. If I even think of picking them up she screams. It makes me laugh.

I love my baby girl nad her independent ways.