Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Life with kids.
Recently I thought about why I wanted kids. I remember not wanting them in highschool and in college. Then I met Leif and I suddenly wanted 5 of them! I wanted to have a family with this person I fell in love with and wanted to marry. I happened to be on twitter and saw that babble.com had posted a link to a blog post about "Why Do You Want Kids". The blog post talked about how most answers that parents come up with aren't good enough for those who aren't parents. It also brought up that article that was in the New York magazine about how sure, you love your children but you hate your life. Pft!
I don't really want to go into the articles... I realized that I tend to be careful about what I say about being a parent. I have a lot of friends that don't want to have children, or thinking they have time to put it off. I know they read these articles and believe them. I listen to them tell me what life is like with children, even though they have none. I listen while they tell me how you never get time with your spouse/significant other. I listen when they tell me about how hard it is to go out on dates or travel. I listen and nod. Sometimes I say things like, "no its not like that" but it gets ignored. This isn't to say that I think that everyone should go out and get pregnant. I don't think this. But I get tired of hearing things from friends who aren't parents, about what life will be like. Especially when I'm sitting there, as a parent. Never have I judged friends who don't want kids, but its hard knowing that some of them judge me and my choices.
It bothers me that my friends believe that deep down Leif and I are unhappy. Or almost feel bad for us. I can't tell you how many times friends have apologized to me for the fact that I got pregnant at 20. It always catches me off guard. I don't feel sorry for myself so why should they? I love my children, AND I love my life. Leif and I have to plan out our dates and some weeks we both work so much that we don't get to actually talk to each other until we're going to bed. Most of our vacations are spent visiting our families, but what's wrong with that? We have to start setting money aside for Riley to do ballet or gymnastics. Because of this I probably won't get my gym membership as soon as I'd like. It could be worse. There are other new costs that come with having a toddler, almost two. But, while that means that we sacrifice going to the movies every month and having cable, we use our saved money on other things that Leif and I enjoy. Now that the kids are getting bigger, we're excited that we can now start planning for a small family trip and next Fall we're hoping and praying that going to France will work out for the two of us. We can't just pick up and take a weekend trip the way we used to be able to, we just have to work at it. We just have to try now. It doesn't bother us, and it doesn't make us bitter towards life.
I sound almost defensive... I just want to share that yes, our lives have become a bit more complicated but we love every moment. Leif and I feel so blessed that we have been able to have children, that we were given such wonderful gifts. I don't think parenting is for everyone, but it is for some and that should be respected.