Monday, January 3, 2011
I feel it all.
Now that I'm older I'm learning that its okay that I'm a sensitive person. I used to think it wasn't. I was told to be tougher, to stop crying, to stop hurting. I was told that there was no place for someone like me in the "real" world. But I know its okay. I cry easily because I hurt easily. I hurt when people are mean to me, but I also hurt when others hurt. I wish I could describe what its like. Its hard for me to watch tv because I get so emotionally involved even though its not real. I will befriend anyone and love them until the end. I will take on their pain and hurt with them. I feel it all. I do.
I know how to guard myself now and I have to talk myself through situations sometimes. I have to remind myself that I can't take everything personal. If people flake on me, its okay, theres a good excuse (usually). If someone makes fun of me, they are kidding. Its easier now. But I still feel it all. I feel what I watch. What I hear. I feel songs. I feel stories. I don't know if that makes sense. I cry a lot and pray a lot. I have a hard time carrying these things but God is capable of carrying it with me.
I think my heart breaks a few times a week. Over so many things. I love with everything that I am. My friends and family mean everything to me. I will bend over backwards for them. I hate that I live so far away from the people that I'm closest to. I know that I have this heart for a reason. And I'm pretty sure I know what the reason is. Because of this I know that there's a God. A few years back, when I was studying to be a missionary, I asked God to break my heart the way His breaks.
He answered my prayers.