Monday, January 3, 2011

I feel it all.


   Now that I'm older I'm learning that its okay that I'm a sensitive person. I used to think it wasn't. I was told to be tougher, to stop crying, to stop hurting. I was told that there was no place for someone like me in the "real" world.  But I know its okay. I cry easily because I hurt easily. I hurt when people are mean to me, but I also hurt when others hurt. I wish I could describe what its like. Its hard for me to watch tv because I get so emotionally involved even though its not real. I will befriend anyone and love them until the end. I will take on their pain and hurt with them. I feel it all. I do.

  I know how to guard myself now and I have to talk myself through situations sometimes. I have to remind myself that I can't take everything personal. If people flake on me, its okay, theres a good excuse (usually). If someone makes fun of me, they are kidding. Its easier now. But I still feel it all. I feel what I watch. What I hear. I feel songs. I feel stories. I don't know if that makes sense. I cry a lot and pray a lot. I have a hard time carrying these things but God is capable of carrying it with me.

  I think my heart breaks a few times a week. Over so many things. I love with everything that I am. My friends and family mean everything to me. I will bend over backwards for them. I hate that I live so far away from the people that I'm closest to.  I know that I have this heart for a reason. And I'm pretty sure I know what the reason is.  Because of this I know that there's a God. A few years back, when I was studying to be a missionary, I asked God to break my heart the way His breaks.

He answered my prayers.

7 comments:

Mrs. K said...

Such a beautiful post. I can truly sense your love for people when reading it. I totally understand what you mean--I used to be that way but with time and experience I've moved away from being that person. I'm not sure if that's good or bad but I'm trying to learn to have a good balance. That in itself takes time too. God bless you! Your family and friends are lucky to have you :)

H and M B said...

I love this post, it is very heartfelt and honest. I grew up in a house with a sensitive mother, she would and still does take on others feelings, their hurt, everything. In my eyes, I love sensitive people, because too many times in the "real" world people are insensitive and uncaring. It's nice to see there is still good in this world.

Anonymous said...

Where are the babies?

Samaria said...

I feel like I can understand what you mean. I was in the store today and watching people who are broke or unable to make ends meet breaks my heart when I'm sitting trying to survive for my children too.

My sister has told me she doesn't tell me things because she knows how "sensitive" I am and how it will effect me.. I care so much about everyone.

The Bailey Family said...

Love this post. I can relate to you so much when it comes to your sensitivity. Thanks for stopping by the blog and saying hi! Glad we've reconnected! :)

Anonymous said...

I think you are the sweetest person. You are the kind of person God wants us all to be. So many people in this world are hurting and the easiest thing to do is take it out on others. But to go through this life with true love and compassion in your heart is a wonderful thing. Your babies and your husband are truly blessed to have you.

b. said...

I agree with Anonymous 10:50am (Jan 4). You are fabulous and a blessing.

Carrying these emotions isn't easy, but living a loving life isn't easy. I'm glad the world has you in it and others like you.