Friday, September 18, 2009

Effort.

I'm learning that being a mother comes a lot easier than being a wife a lot of the time. I think this is because so often a child has constant needs, to be fed, clothed, washed... While a spouse has needs but they aren't always so obvious. Its easy to put your spouse on the back burner. Its not always on purpose, its just, you get caught up in being a mother and taking care of your children. They become your first priority.

The best wisdom I ever heard from a woman who had been married more than 30 years was: "Always put your husband first. Always be working on your marriage. Your children will always need something from you, even when they're grown. Your marriage cannot wait until the children are out of the house."

To put your husband first doesn't mean to neglect your children. No, it just means to be aware that your husband needs your attention just as much as your children. He needs time with you just like your children do. Leif and I are finally finding a balance when it comes to us and Riley. Through out the day and even the night we do little things for each other that are reminders that we are thinking of the other and we do care. I do the dishes for Leif and clean the kitchen, even though I hate it so much. It means a lot to him. He gets up with Riley every night because he knows that I've spent my whole day taking care of her. I fold his laundry a certain way that he likes. He'll come home from work and offer to watch Riley so I can either edit or go to the gym. I will wake up early so that I'm able to make breakfast and spend a few minutes with him before he's off to work. Rarely does Riley get a bath that doesn't include all three of us. That's one of our ways of spending time together. We're constantly trying to figure out ways to bless and love each other, be it small or big, amidst being busy and having a baby.

Ever since having Riley we have made a point during the week to just sit and talk. Its not as easy as it once was when was just the two of us. It takes more effort, and we really have to find the time. But we make it happen. Like last night, we dropped everything we were doing, just laid in bed and talked for a few hours. I like our times together like that. Its so good for us. For our friendship. For our marriage. I also think its good for us as parents.

Not a day goes by that I don't feel blessed by my husband. His love for me is always evident and he takes any opportunity he can to show it. God is so good:)

5 comments:

Yvonne said...

Girl you are preaching to the choir!! I always tell my husband that a happy marriage will have a happy family. I love my husband so much and I know that often I don't express it as much as I should or would like. It's all about taking EVERY opportunity to say thank you and I appreciate you. Small gestures on the daily means so much.

You love story always makes me smile. Thank you.

Chanel said...

your marriage is an inspiration! i'm not married, but i love doing what i call "married couple things" with my boyfriend. we spend a lot of time sitting up and talking in bed. a lot of times before we go to sleep i'll sit up and read the newspaper and we'll have nerdy discussions about the things I read to him. Or we do picnics in DC and hit up the museums. it's always nice to do things other than sit around and watch tv.

Milk and Honey Mommy said...

Margaret,

Very well written. Often, women get their priorities reversed because as you said, our children's needs are so obvious. Yes, tend to his needs. Thank you for the reminder.

yours truly said...

that's a beautiful piece of advice. your family is truly inspirational. thanks for sharing.

stacy di said...

such great advice. It IS hard with little ones to focus on your marriage...Being conscious that you need to spend time together is really important. You are awesome!!