We found a community about a mile and a half from Leif's job, that was formally military housing. Its for government employees and I believe ex-military. They have some houses open and we're praying that we're able to get one. It would be a nice change to live in a house, instead of an apartment. And I would love a yard! Also, who doesn't want a free gym membership? We're going to start packing this coming week, just a little by little... And we're enjoying our last few weeks here in Southern California. It's going to be hard to leave but, and its weird that I say this, it feels like its time.
Our bad, well sad, news is that most likely I've miscarried. Most people don't like to tell people they're pregnant until about 12 weeks, when your risk of miscarriage has gone way down. But I wanted to make sure I shared that I was pregnant with as many people as possible. Because it is so important to me to have all the support and prayers possible. And if I did has a miscarriage, I would still have the support and prayers .
Thursday I started spotting, but then it stopped and I made an appointment for the following day. Instead of sitting around that night I went and spent time with close friends. I needed to be around people that loved and cared for me. It helped. I slept well that night, comforted by prayers. The following day we went to the doctor and saw the sac. It was too early for a heartbeat and too early to tell if the baby was growing normally or abnormally. That was hard to hear, I was praying we would hear a heartbeat. Instead I was sent to the lab to test my hormone levels. I have to go back on Tuesday to retest and then have the levels compared. If they have gone up then that's wonderful, if not... Well no so good. The bleeding started again last night and when we went to bed it was hard. I was in so much pain, I just cried because it hurt so bad. When I woke up this morning I had peace. While we're still praying and hoping, both Leif and I are at peace with what has happened. There is a chance I'm still pregnant but its a small chance.
I know that God is good, I also know He has a plan and usually I don't understand this plan. This is one of those times I don't understand but I'm not upset. I always thought I would be but I'm happy. I'm so blessed and thankful. All I can think about is just how wonderful and good my Father is. If my baby wasn't suppose to be born, then it wasn't. God knows more than I, and trust Him. Last year, I wouldn't have said that but thankfully I've learned how to trust and let go of things. God will bless me with more children when the timing is right. I don't doubt that at all!
Its amazing how amidst tragedy you really can see just how great God is.
Thank you all for your prayers and love:)!