Friday, October 9, 2009

Struggling.

I'm really struggling with the idea of staying at home with my children for the next few years before they go off to school. I've loved the time I've had with Riley so far, but I miss working and being involved with social justice groups. With another baby on the way I'm having an even harder time with staying at home. I think some women love being at home with their children and could never imagine working with a family. I'm not that woman. Part of me wants to be that person though, because I feel a little guilty. I'm blessed to be able to stay at home with Riley, I know this.

I hate that I'm not making a difference and that most of my conversations through out the day revolve around babies, and their latest accomplishments. I'm tired of the only productive thing I've done all day is clean the bathroom and wash the dishes. I love making dinner for my husband and having a clean home for him to come home too. I just feel like there's so much more for me to be doing. I'm getting restless being at home everyday, all day. We go out and do things, the park, play dates, errands here and there. So much more to life... So much more going on outside of my bubble.

I've been thinking about this a lot because I've been trying to get myself involved with social justice groups and such. I've learned that being at home with Riley makes it hard for me to go out and do these things. I always wanted to work for a non-profit organization and I still want to do that. Badly. There are so many things close to my heart that I want to be helping with, spreading awareness about. Its hard though, because of my decision to stay at home.

For now I'm trying to figure out ways to be involved from home. I love being a mother and a wife, but that's not all I am.

9 comments:

Patty said...

Aww Marge, don't feel guilty for leaving your kids and do something for you. I think its great that you have such a passion for social justice! You should go out there and volunteer at a non profit or something! :-)

Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

I recently did a post about this...well, sorta...and I say go for it. If this is your passion, go for your passion because it was given to you for a reason. The wonderful thing about it is, you're no incapable of being a wife and a parent; you can achieve your goals on every level. I'm all for women who wish to have all three, and I admire women who are able to attain all three and maintain it.

At the end of the day, pray and mediatate on it...He will help you out with your decision.

Young Mom/Wife said...

You are so not alone in this ordeal. I have finally accepted being at home with our son and now with another one on the way...but that doesn't mean I am content. I think so many women struggle with this dilemma.

Is there anyway that you can get involved with a group and bring Riley? Or could you volunteer for a few hours on the weekend and Riley and Leif can have some father-daughter time? I'll be saying lots of prayers for you...and just remember God always has a plan for us.

Chanel said...

Actually, I think you would be surprised by how many "stay at home moms" (I hate that term because it gets a lot of flac from people) crave being out of the house and being more than a mommy. You are def. not alone Margeret. At least you are aware of and honest about your feelings. In the 50's there was a phrase known as the "housewife syndrome" where mothers were getting deeply depressed because they craved a life outside of the home. You should research ways to get involved from home! Where there's a will there's a way ;)

Sharon said...

I am a mom who has worked throughout her childrens childhood. I always wished that I could be at home with my daughters when they were little. I don't think I missed any of their important milestones, but I can never be the room mom at their schools. I can't got to concerts during the middle of the school day. I worry about before school care and after school pick-ups. If there is a meeting at the times my girls have to be somewhere, I must jump through hoops, make frantic calls, to get them there. Then I leave the meeting in a huff to rush and pick up my daughters, praying that they're not the last one there. Don't get me wrong, I love teaching. But I have always wished I could've been at home until they were grown. Those years go by so fast. You can never get them back. Even though you are choosing to forego your career while raising your children, you are making a difference in this world. You are given the gift of raising someone who will change the world. Never under-estimate the importance of what you do.

Megan Marie said...

This post will help, I think: it helped me

Kristen Holan said...

Just because you're a stay at home mom doesn't mean that you aren't making a difference. Just be talking about it you are raising awareness. Just keep doing what you are doing. You can use this blog as a platform for the issues that interest you the most.
Also... I know it's cliche, but raising children to be responsible, caring adults is one of the best things you can do for society... but you already knew that:)

etc from Fierce and Nerdy said...

M, it's not an either/or. I quite happy being a "write-at-home" mom. My daughter spends mornings w/ my husband while I work on my blog and then I get three hours during the day thanks to my MIL to work on my novel and other writing projects. I would not want to go FT again, but dedicating 4 hours a day to the things that I'm passionate about has been just a boon for my sanity. It also makes me appreciate my daughter more. I'm always so happy to see her at 5pm when I'm done with the day's writing.

You're a fantastic photographer. Is there a way to do what you love while carrying Riley around with you? Nowadays I play wii fit w/ Betty in a baby bjorn as opposed to running on the treadmill by myself just so I can fit it all in.

Still, I've been finding it very hard to be the careerist, wife, and mother that I want to be, but I'm sure that if I keep on working at it, I'll find the perfect balance.

Oh, and also, back when I used to cook, I listened to NPR podcasts while I did so. IMO, if you listened to the "Fresh Air" and "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me" and "This American Life" podcasts, then you'll always have something to talk about.

One more thing, if you have an iPhone, the NYT app allows you to easily read the "Most Emailed" stories of the day -- another great way to stay informed for the time-crunched.

Milk and Honey Mommy said...

Margaret,

My transition from making money and contributing to solving the world's problems was difficult too. The only difference is that I made the move before we were married and w/children. Since we knew I was going to stay at home w/the children, I didn't look for another job after being laid off during the dotcom madness. It was hard at first, but by the time I was married, everything fell into place.

I am that woman happy at home, feet propped up, and eating bonbons. Reality. I'm enjoying this new life of mine filled w/homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, etc. I have no idea how I got here, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

As far as making a difference, staying at home doesn't have to be the end of that. If you have a computer, then you're set. My area of preference is eco-friendly living and I have seen many mommies rise from diaper changers to being highly respected and effective advocates for a cause by just sitting at their computer screen. It's not too late, over, or impossible for you to make a difference.