Thursday, October 21, 2010

Disconnected.

       I'm not sure what I'd like to say... Maybe that I'm really tired and I miss my best friends. I don't remember the last time I talked to my mom or my sister. Let alone, my dad.  I realized the other day that I'm working hard at something because I think thats what I'm suppose to do but not necessarily what I'd like to do.  I thought a talk I was going to have yesterday with someone would encourage and help me, but it just further confused me. I hate being disappointed : /

    I do know that I'm thankful for the people who I never expected to be close friends. Those are the people that build me up the most and support me no matter what. I am happy for this last week because I've had a lot of clarity when it comes to my photography (Did you guys know I changed blogs?) I know what direction I want to go with it, and I'm so happy about that. I'm still feeling disconnected from things and I'm not sure why. No matter what my house is never all the way clean, there are always dishes in my sink, always laundry to be washed or folded (or both), one of the kids or Leif needs me, there are always meals to be cooked, always photos to be edited, always lots of emails to return, always errands that need to be run, always people I need to see and call... Always. I'm never on top of everything, no matter how hard I try. Its discouraging. I try to accept it but I hate that sometimes I drop the ball. Well drop it often.

   Leif and the kids still love me though, despite how messy things get around here:) I am happy to be loved by them.

4 comments:

Monique said...

Hi I'm Monique a new follower of yours. With two young children, it's so hard to stay on top of everything. I spend time with my friends and their children and although I personally can't relate I've been in the mix of it and think you should give yourself a break. You are taking some amazing photos. I really enjoy them. Are you a list making kinda' gal? I am not by nature but my fiance suggested it and it feels great to cross things off even if its just washing the dishes. :) Keep up the great work with you photography I love that soft focus. Here's hoping the month ahead is less hectic.
Much love.

Mrs. K said...

Sounds like you're having a challenging time right now. I hope that you learn what you can from it and bounce back soon :) It seems like you are doing a good job so far though!

Yvonne said...

Take a deep breath....relax your body.......slow your thoughts. That always makes me feel better.
Seriously, I really do get your uncertainity. Unfortunately,as women( mothers and wives), we feel like we have to everything to everybody. Please slowly step away from that thought process because it will drive you absolutely batty. Follow your heart and your true talents. I know right now, in this moment of doubt and self reflection, you are feeling somewhat inadequate, but deep down you know better. You ROCK as a mom,daughter, friend, photographer and a wife. Trust. Have faith. You have a natural God given talent for photography( and yes, I'm jealous) and capturing people's special moments with such tenderness and beautiful clarity. God doesn't give gifts that he doesn't want you to use.

Don't doubt your abilities to properly prioritize and schedule yourself accordingly. Like Monique suggested earlier, list making is a life saver.

Just know that you Rock girlie and if anyone can make this look easy, make all this chaos seem do-able, it's you.

K. Rock said...

Well I can definitelt say that I relate to what you are feeling. The confusion about your direction in life, the disorganization, and the constant feeling that stuff is never done. I feel it all too. so for me, right now, I am trying to sort it all out too. For now try to find solace in your husband and children while you mentally work on everything else.