Gratitude Thursday: My Babies!

Riley girl is 16 months today.

It blows my mind.

I'm so thankful my son and daughter.
Can I please boast about them for a minute or two?

My daughter. She amazes me. I think she's the sweetest most adorable toddler I know. She's always showering us with hugs and kisses. Especially Beck. I love how she is with her brother. Whenever I lay him on the ground for a diaper change, she grabs a diaper and a wipe for me. If I lay him in his bouncer she finds a blanket and covers him. And if I need to feed him, she helps me hold the bottle.

I think she's pretty smart too. She spends most of her days "reading" and putting puzzles together. The other day she sat down next to Beck and started "reading" to him while holding his hand. It was cute. Riley thinks she can talk more than she really can... We love it. It always makes us laugh when she turns to us and starts babbling with a serious face. Everyday she says a new word and it never ceases to catch me off guard. Even when she says words I know she is capable of saying, I just can't believe it. Lately she's been walking up to Beck, waving and saying "Hi baby". And she's almost succeeded at putting on her own jacket. We're working on it, haha.

Someones starting to smile!

My son. I adore him. I always wanted a boy and now I've been blessed with one. Although its only been a month since Beck moved in and what not, we've already learned a thing or two about him. Baby boy hates sleeping anywhere other than our chests, even the carseat sometimes. He loves cuddling, and while it makes cleaning hard, I'm enjoying it. I find myself kissing his little cheeks constantly and holding his tiny hands.

Leif and I had it really easy with Riley so we just knew that the second time around would be super difficult... So far its been almost easier than it was with Riley. Beck is not a fussy baby, and he enjoys sleeping at night almost as much we do. I love the way he watches Riley when shes talking to him and kissing him. I'm so excited to watch their relationship unfold as they both get older. Last night he cooed for the first time and Leif was like "Did you hear that?!" Of course I heard it. I love his little sounds and I can't wait for more:)

I love my children so much. Everyday I love them more and more. And everyday they remind me that God is amazing and so good to us! Children are blessings in so many ways.

Bonding.

When Riley was born, I knew I loved her but I didn't bond with her. I didn't feel connected to her in any way. I almost felt as if she wasn't mine. I think Leif bonded with her before I ever did. I would stare at her and wonder if this was really the baby that was in my belly for 9 months. Who was she? It wasn't until she was 3 or 4 months that I started to feel as if we were starting to bond. My love for her had continued to grow from the minute she was born, but I didn't feel as if we had a relationship until she was a bit older. It wasn't until she started really responding to me and interacting with me. When she would smile when she saw me. That's when we started to bond.

I thought the reason why we didn't bond was because I didn't breastfeed. Many times people tell me about what a great experience breastfeeding is, how they bonded with their child over it. Like I mentioned in a previous post I hoped that I would be able to breastfeed Beck. And I have been breastfeeding him. But, just like I felt with Riley, I feel the same way with Beck. I love him with all my heart but I don't feel like we've bonded at all. He's so foreign to me. Again, I feel as if Leif has bonded with him before me. I was worried about this happening. I feel as if I should have some control over this. Why does this little baby seem like such a stranger to me?

Last night I was reading What to Expect: The First Year. I kind of read it with Riley but mostly skimmed over it, just making sure she was reaching her milestones on time. I happened to be reading through the newborn chapter and it had a section on bonding. It turns out that its common for moms not to bond with their babies right away. I was relieved to read this because I want so badly to be close to my son. I know it'll happen in time, I just need to be patient and get to know him better, which I'm excited to do:)

We'll get there.