A story.

Riley and I went to the mall yesterday, mostly so I could go to Cinnabon. And when I say we went to the mall, I mean we drove 20 miles to Salinas to go to the mall. We have a mall here in Monterey but its a small outdoor mall. It has your basic stores I suppose but its really a boring place to go. I had a craving and I didn't care that I'd have to drive almost a half hour to fulfill it. Plus it got Riley and I out of the house.

After I got my cinnabon, we walked around the mall. If you can call Riley's walking actual walking. It takes forever to get anywhere when shes walking. But she's so proud of herself and wears the biggest smile, so I let her. While in Victorias Secret a few people made comments to me about Riley. One lady argued with me about the color of Riley's eyes. She told me that Riley had to have blue in her eyes. I assured her that she did not. She asked me if I was sure. I was like "I'm very sure". Then she looked a bit disappointed that Riley had only brown eyes. After this conversation someone else asked if Riley was white and my first thought was "no". But then I remembered, "My child is white". Ha! After I said yes, the lady asked: "So black and white?". Part of me really wanted to ask her if she was serious, obviously I'm black... But I didn't. I just smiled, nodded, and walked away. Not because I'm rude though, because Riley was pushing the stroller into some displays. While catching up to Riley, a sales associate came up to me and asked if Riley was my child because she didn't look like me at all. I almost rolled my eyes but I simply replied that she looks just like her dad.

I'm always surprised by questions strangers will ask you. I guess it keeps things interesting though. It made my visit to Victorias Secret a lot more entertaining than it would have been otherwise. Not only did I leave the store with my correct bra measurements but also an amusing story to share with my husband and I guess those that read my blog:)

Beautiful.

When Leif and I first started dating and we'd go out people would stare. I noticed and sometimes it made me uncomfortable. When I was pregnant people would really stare, and from time to time I got a disapproving glance. Now when we go out as a family people still stare, especially at Riley. Once people see Leif and I together, they make an effort to see what our child looks like. The other day when we were at the aquarium, a family that was behind us got in front of us, and kept looking back to see Riley.

The whole black-white interracial dating/marriage isn't new, in fact its become a lot more common over the last few years. It still surprises some people though. And when there's a child in the picture then you tend to hear this phrase often: "Biracial children are the most beautiful". I think my baby is beautiful, but not because she's half white and half black. When my friends found out I was pregnant, I constantly heard "Your baby has to be beautiful because you're black and Leif is white". I hated when people would say that. I'd always cringe. Couldn't my child be beautiful simply because she was mine?

Another thing people like to point out is the fact that my child will have "soft" hair compared to mine. I've had people stop me a lot in the store to comment on Riley, and point out how cute her curls are. And every once in awhile someone will let me know that my child is lucky to have hair that isn't nappy like mine. While they don't use the exact word nappy, they hint at it. Really, what's wrong with "nappy" hair? If my child had it, would it make her less beautiful? (Oh black hair, I must save that for another post).

In our house race doesn't matter, we're simply a family. Once we leave our house though it seems to matter a bit more. I want my daughter to know that she's beautiful because God made her, like He's made everyone. Not because of Leif being white, or me being black.

White is still right?

A friend posted this video on their facebook. Listening to young black girls talk about how they're perceived was interesting. I'm surprised that while we've come far, we still have a long way to go. The part where they conduct the experiments with the black and white dolls was a big eye opener. Why aren't we telling our children they are beautiful with their nappy hair and dark skin? Why do they think that their hair has to be straight to be beautiful?

Part of the reason I cut my hair and stopped straightening it was because I wanted my daughter to know that natural hair, black hair is something that should be celebrated and appreciated. I also did it for myself, as a black woman. I'm not knocking perms, or weaves. But for too long black has been wrong, and we've gone out of our way to fit a certain ideal. I'm grateful that my parents never did that and I'm hoping that I will be able to teach my children that no matter their color, they are beautiful just the way they are.

Bi-Racial

I stumbled across this video on youtube, its a trailer for a documentary called Bi-Racial... Not Black Damnit. I've never really gone into race on this blog. Never talked about being in an interracial relationship or about the fact that Riley is half black and half white. Part of this is because its not something I think about really and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Riley's still really young. She can't ask Leif and I questions about her color, or ours. As she gets older I'm sure I'll blog more about it... There have been a few experiences I've had with her that I want to write about.

Before she was born I did a lot of research on bi-racial children and raising a bi-racial child. I learned a lot of interesting things. Two of the topics that were touched on a lot was are bi-racial children who are mixed with black and white, just considered black or should they be called bi-racial? And, is it really fair to the child for them to be two races? Will they ever fit in? I think this documentary looks interesting and its nice to see hear thoughts from children and adults who are bi-racial. There's this little girl who says something at the end though about being embarrassed by her mom being black since all her friends are white. That was hard to hear and watch. I always wonder what Riley will have to say about being black and white.

I think raising a bi-racial child is like raising any other child, but I do think at the same time its a little different because of the race factor.