A New Season

     A new season is beginning.  I feel it.  Do you ever just feel that way? That change is coming? That everything you've known for the last few months will no longer be? I suddenly feel as if the trials I experienced have prepared me for whats next.  Today I felt God put on my heart: "You are prepared. You weren't ready before but now you are".  I feel at peace in a way I hadn't before and I feel as if the last few months, the hardships, the pain, the tears, the work, it was worth it just to hear that I'm ready.

  I wish I knew what I was ready for :) But I'm definitely celebrating this new season that will be coming.  A new leaf has been turned over it seems.  How fitting that spring is coming... Winter is ending, things are becoming new again.  New meaning has been given to my life and breathing fresh air never felt so wonderful. God is always so faithful and His timing so perfect. I know this, yet I fight and I question.  I am so grateful for His patience :)!

    I wish I could describe this breakthrough in my life.  I can say though, as soon as I gave up trying to make things go my way, the minute I allowed God to take control things began to change.  When I mean change I don't mean this physical change, but more of an emotional & spiritual change that has in turn over flowed into my marriage, my parenting, my home, my relationships, my health, my business... Its the whole working on your heart, and how you are on the inside so that it then shows on the outside.  BASICALLY: I can't do any of this on my own. I need to lean on God always.  He's my strength.

This Season of our Lives

       The past few months have been trying on Leif and I.  I'm not even sure where to start. We've broken down a lot in the last few weeks.  We've been frustrated and angry.  There have been tears and lots of questions. "Why are we in Monterey?!" "Why are our kids growing up so far from their grandparents?" I know personally I've been upset with God and impatient with Him.  I know there is a reason we are here, I know its important for something but we aren't seeing answers.  That's hard on us.  We haven't been happy, content yes, but not happy. We're tired and worn out.  We feel as if we have no control and we have to just sit here and watch what unfolds. Isn't that how it is though? From work to not being able to go out alone to the kids sleeping in our bed instead of their own.  Things around the house keep breaking and we think we're ahead but then a doctor bill comes. We don't want to use credit cards but somehow we end up using them.  Nothing seems to go the way we planned. We've been in situations where nothing went according to plan but for some reason this time of our lives is especially hard.

    We were driving down to Southern California for Thanksgiving and Rileys birthday (I have to post about our now 2-year old!) and Leif and I talked about how this is just a season.  It'll pass. Before we know it we won't be in Monterey, and we will be living near family and having to adjust to that. Our kids are going to be sleeping in their own beds for the rest of their lives so why worry about them wanting to be close to us now? There will come a time when Leif and I can go on dates as much as we want, we should take advantage of the family time now. Work will have its stressful moments but thankfully Leif has a job and my business has been growing. We can pay our bills and buy food and put gas in our car.

    Its hard living when you feel as if you can't stay above the water or find your footing. It really breaks a person when you constantly feel discouraged.  I've never experienced this before so I'm really overwhelmed and unsure of what to do or how to handle everything. Normally I feel so prepared and know how to handle what life throws at me. But not this time. Dare I say it? I feel as if we have been forgotten here. I know this isn't true, but thats how it feels.  I'm comforted though when I remember that this is a season. Be it long or short, its a season.  And we will get through it.

  I must say the kids have been a constant reminder of goodness and joy for Leif and I.  We are so blessed, even in times where it seems like nothing is going right.  I know that I speak for both of us when I say that our babies have been the best things that have happened to us:)

   On to brighter and better things! I've been posting more frequently on my photo blog, photos of the kids and other things. Check it out! Just posted a new post about making changes in 2011! Photo blog!