Disconnected.

       I'm not sure what I'd like to say... Maybe that I'm really tired and I miss my best friends. I don't remember the last time I talked to my mom or my sister. Let alone, my dad.  I realized the other day that I'm working hard at something because I think thats what I'm suppose to do but not necessarily what I'd like to do.  I thought a talk I was going to have yesterday with someone would encourage and help me, but it just further confused me. I hate being disappointed : /

    I do know that I'm thankful for the people who I never expected to be close friends. Those are the people that build me up the most and support me no matter what. I am happy for this last week because I've had a lot of clarity when it comes to my photography (Did you guys know I changed blogs?) I know what direction I want to go with it, and I'm so happy about that. I'm still feeling disconnected from things and I'm not sure why. No matter what my house is never all the way clean, there are always dishes in my sink, always laundry to be washed or folded (or both), one of the kids or Leif needs me, there are always meals to be cooked, always photos to be edited, always lots of emails to return, always errands that need to be run, always people I need to see and call... Always. I'm never on top of everything, no matter how hard I try. Its discouraging. I try to accept it but I hate that sometimes I drop the ball. Well drop it often.

   Leif and the kids still love me though, despite how messy things get around here:) I am happy to be loved by them.

My Babies Daddy.

  I love watching Leif with the babies.  I love watching him play with them, read to them, snuggle with them.   Sometimes I envy his way with them.  He's much more patient and calm with them (unless Riley gets food on the rug and couch, or touches his shoe boxes).  I watched him comfort Riley early the other morning at 5 when she was upset... Instead of asking me to handle it since he had to go into work early, he simply laid there with her, talking to her and reminding her that it was okay.  Instead of falling asleep, I watched and was thankful for this man.

  This is one of the things I wanted most out of a husband. Someone who would be a good, loving father. That's what Leif is.  It amazes me how much he loves his children.  Hearing him boast about them to his friends has to be one of the cutest things.  He's such a proud papa.  He's always telling our daughter that she's beautiful and loved. Something that is so important for her to hear.  He takes time to just sit with Beck and talk to him.  Beck never laughs as much as he does when hes with Leif.  My kids are so blessed.  And I'm a blessed woman to be married to such a man.

   I love that Leif is the man I get to have and raise children with.  He is the perfect father for our babies. 

Life is good.

  I'm sitting here watching my children interact with each other and I'm in total awe.  What is this life I find myself leading? A very blessed one I think.  One that is never short of adventures and always has snacks included.  I watch my daughter read to Beck and point things out to him.  He beams of course because Riley is his favorite person and shes spending time with him.  I listen to her tell him all about the animals in her book and he laughs and babbles along with her.  Its one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

  Its hard to remember life before babies.  I miss it from time to time but not enough to wish that life back.  Three years ago we were talking about marriage and babies.  Talking about how we couldn't wait to be forever roommates and raise children together.  Now we find ourselves about to celebrate our 3rd year of marriage, with two adorable children, and living in our second home together. We've learned that life doesn't wait on you, it just seems to happen. So many times we've mapped out plans for ourselves, for our family and over and over again we've watched those plans fall apart or change.  We never mind though because God seems to always have something better waiting for us. Both my children were these better plans that were given to us.

  I am so grateful for the eloping, the surprise pregnancies, the job losses, the moving, 

the really good times and the really bad.

Without those experiences we wouldn't be here today

with these sweet babies who just so happen to be the 

perfect mix of Leif & I

I love my little family.

I want to remember.

Tonight is a wonderful night.

  

Someday...

...I won't be the only girl in his life.

I hate that and sometimes I cry a little when I think about it.

Like now.

Until then though, I'll steal all the kisses I can and I'll make sure to tell him

"I love you"

over and over.

Thanks for being my little boy.

Discipline & Toddlers

Leif turned to me in the car yesterday and asked me: "How do we want to handle this?" and by this he meant Riley's tantrums. When she first turned 1, she was throwing them here and there but by 14 months she had stopped. Now they've started up again and a simple "Please stop that" no longer works. I didn't realize just how strong willed my daughter was and I didn't realize how soon we would have to discuss discipline. She can go from happy to upset in seconds and then back again. I'm pretty sure this is normal for children her age, haha. But throwing herself on the ground isn't the best way of expressing her frustration. The question is: How do we discipline her while teaching her a better way to handle these situations?

I'm a firm believer in being a parent first, and a friend second. My child doesn't run things, Leif and I do. I don't care how hard you cry, kick and roll, no means no in this house. But whats the right approach to helping my daughter learn this? What will work best for her? I called my mom this morning and she gave me some advice on how to approach dealing with tantrums and getting Riley to listen. First she suggested Dr. Dobsons The Strong-Willed Child and then she shared her own personal thoughts on parenting. My mom and I butt heads a lot but we share the same views on parenting for the most part.

A lot of the things she suggested Leif has already started to do. Something I've noticed is that Riley tends to listen to Leif more. She doesn't seem to take me as seriously as she does him. I think its because I'm not the best at following through. Especially since Becks been born I've been letting her get away with a lot more and not addressing certain things. I'm learning that follow through and consistency are really important when it comes to discipline. Those two things are important when it comes to a lot of things:)

So, what is your approach to disciplining your toddler? And what advice have you been given that you'd like to share or advice you yourself have come up with? I'm all ears!

Adjusting.

I love love love this picture.

I'm adjusting to life with two children. Its definitely a challenge. I think I've given up on getting places early or even on time. It doesn't matter how many times I pack the diaper bag two hours before we're suppose to leave or pack up the car early, there's always a diaper that needs to be changed or milk that needs to be wiped up. I've also come to terms with the fact that my house isn't going to get cleaned as fast as it once did. Some days, Leif will simply come home to a messy house and maybe even an empty table:)

I'm working on finding a new routine. The new one wasn't working so well anymore. At first I had a hard time with that. I didn't want to let go of the perfect schedule I had worked out for Riley and I. Yet, I had to. There was no way around it. I've now embraced the change and I'm loving trying to find a new way of running the house and taking care of the kids. So far I've learned that preparation is the key right now. I tend to be forgetful so I have to do a lot of my preparing the night before. I have to set out clothes for the babise, cut up veggies and fruits for Riley's breakfast and lunch. I have to make sure I restock the diaper bag or else we'll be out and there will be no diapers or snacks for Riley. And for me.

There are times when I feel like everything is getting out of my control and I panic a little. A quick prayer usually calms my nerves, and suddenly the situation isn't as terrible as it seemed a minute ago. God's good like that.

I need a babysitter!

The hard thing about living somewhere with no family means no babysitter when you just want to go out with your husband. No afternoon trips to the movies, or grocery shopping without the kids. And a weekend trip without kids? Ha!

Its hard on a marriage when you don't get to go out alone or just time alone period. Its hard being in mommy & daddy mode constantly. Leif and I have been learning this these past few months, especially these past three weeks. I love my babies, but I love my husband also. I miss him. I miss us. When I called my mom the other day she told me: "I've been praying for you. Is everything okay?" I told her "No, its not!" My parents have been teaching a class on marriage for years so I'm always more than happy to hear what their thoughts are on things (except sex). Apparently its normal what Leif and I are going through. My mom basically said we have to make an effort to go on dates, and sit down and talk. Before we could just decide right on the spot that we were going out... I knew this but its gotten even harder now that we're in Monterey and plus we don't really have anyone to watch Riley and Beck.

I wish a babysitter would just show up on my doorstep. (Or my mom::hint::) That would be great! Where do people even find babysitters? Church? In their neighborhoods? Through friends? Pray I find one soon because I think we might go a little crazy over here.

All of you mothers that live close to family I am jealous. Never take that for granted!

We actually got to go out to dinner this past week with friends
while my mother in law and Jan were down here visiting:)

Right now...

...I'm holding my sleeping son in my arms. Riley and Leif aren't here. Its just me and Beck. The two of us.

I love it. We're bonding.

All keep thinking is "how wonderful and perfect is he?! I can't believe he's going to call me: mommy" I love him more and more each day. Its impossible for me to look at him and not thank God for His goodness. I want to remember this moment, him in his striped hat, snoring softly and I, wrapped in a blanket, kissing his soft cheeks over and over.

I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow

My children.

Trying to pick Beck up.

I love being able to say
"My children"
or
"the kids"
I can't believe I'm that mom that has more than one baby.
I'm loving it.

Week 2!

We're halfway done with our second week at home with both kids. Its been fun. I'm really enjoying having two children. I also never get tired of Riley giving her brother kisses and bringing him blankets. Nights are going even better than they were last week. Riley is back to sleeping through the night in her own bed, and Beck gets up at 12am and 4am to eat. I'm hoping these good nights continue for a long time:)

This week my wonderful friends have been bringing us dinner every night. That's such a blessing. Even though I've been itching to get back in the kitchen and try out some recipes I found last week. I have been able to cook breakfast and bake a little at least! Leif has been at home this week as well. He's suppose to be "helping out" but I think its turned more into a vacation for him than anything, haha. He's getting breakfast made for him every morning and dinner delivered. And naps during the day? What a lucky man:) Riley is loving having him at home though so I don't mind him messing up my routines too much.

On a happy-happy note: I fit into my old jeans and I don't feel as if I had surgery a week and a half ago. Oh and my husband bought me a steam-mop! I just tried it out and I love it. Throwing out the old mop and bucket tomorrow.

Please & Thank You.

My child knows a few words. Words like: mama, daddy, bye bye, hi, backpack, bellybutton, puppy, baby, milk. She'll repeat words if you repeat them to her a few times. Unless those words are please and thank you. I'm constantly trying to get Riley to say "please" and "thank you" but she doesn't. I've heard her say "thank you" one time when we were at my parents and I was so excited! I'm not sure what the average vocabulary is for a 14 month old, but according to all these other mothers my child should be saying "please" & "thank you" or at least signing it.

Yesterday at the park I mentioned to a mom that I couldn't get Riley to say it. She proceeded to tell me that her daughter always says "thank you". That made me feel wonderful:) Granted, her daughter is two months older than Riley, so maybe when Riley is 16 months old she'll finally catch on? I can't help but feel like I've failed in some way because my daughter doesn't know how to be polite. When we were in Oregon, I remember being in the kitchen and watching my mother in law try to get Riley to say please. I was slightly embarrassed because I felt like her not being able to say "please" or "thank you" was a reflection on our parenting.

Honestly, its not a big deal that Riley doesn't say "please" and "thank you". It really isn't. But for some reason it bothers me. I think because as parents, we can be so judgmental of each other, and no one likes to be the parent that's under criticism. I have no problem with people passing judgment on the fact that I fed my child formula, or I let her cry it out when she was 5 months old so she'd sleep through the night. It does bother me though when people don't think that Leif & I are teaching Riley how to have good manners and be polite. I'm not sure people really think this, but I still worry about it from time to time. :)

Sleep Methods.

I like to think that Leif and I are doing pretty well at parenting Riley. I also like to think that we did an excellent job with getting her to sleep through the night as soon as we did. Yet, if we're doing such a great job why is she now insisting on sleeping with us?

When Riley was sick about two weeks ago she had a cough which lead to her wheezing. We were in Southern California and instead of having her sleep in her pack-and-play we had her sleep with us. We didn't think anything of it because we do this from time to time. When we got back to Monterey she was breathing a bit better so we put her in her pack-and-play in our room. After visiting the doctor and getting medicine to help with the wheezing (turns out her cold caused asthma), we put her to bed in her crib, in her own room.

Riley never fights us when its time for bed so that first night she went back into the crib, we went about our night routine. Checking ebay and blogs, eating snacks, playing games together, cleaning the kitchen... But then when we are about to go to bed, Riley wakes up screaming. She refuses to be consoled and keeps pointing at the door. Usually that means she wants some milk, so we take her out of the crib and assume she's going to head to the kitchen. Instead, she heads to our room and to our bed. Part of me just wants to let her sleep with us because I'm tired and don't feel like staying up any later. I know though that if I give in just this once I'll probably give in many more times. So we put her back in her crib and let her cry... and scream. For awhile. Leif eventually goes in there and then she finally falls asleep.

When she was smaller letting her cry it out was a lot easier. She would only do it for about 10 minutes then be knocked out. She also didn't really have the concept down that if she cries it means she'll get to sleep with mommy and daddy. Now, letting her cry it out is the last option for us. Letting her sleep with us is a last option as well though. I'm kind of at a loss of what to do. I don't really have a problem with letting my child cry at night unless she's sick or really in need of something. Normally I wouldn't mind the loss of sleep but I'm trying to get in all the sleep I can before Beck arrives.

I think the timing for Riley to refuse to sleep in her crib is perfect:) I mean, I can handle sharing a bed with two kids and a husband right? Thankfully, it hasn't been every night that Riley has been insisting on sleeping in our bed. And the nights that she does, we let her fall asleep then transfer her to the crib.

It really is the cutest thing though when Leif brings her into our bed and she's so excited. She always hugs my neck and falls asleep next to me. So while ideally, I'd like her to spend every night in her own bed, I'm enjoying how much she loves being close to me.

What sleep method did you use with your child/children?

Truly Authentic Mom

I was tagged by Karly as a TAM, also known as a Truly Authentic Mom. Normally when I get tagged I don't participate because I forget... But today I'm going to just sit down and do it because one, I like Karly and two, Riley is napping

. I guess I'm suppose to list 5 things that I think make me a TAM. Here is my list:

1. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to being a mom. I think I surprise myself sometimes... A lot of things that would scare a first time mom, don't seem to bother me. A lot of it has to do with how calm and relaxed my husband is, and his experience with children. Plus, I really want to enjoy every moment with Riley, without being worried the whole time.

2. I don't get a shower in everyday. I think that makes me a authentic mom:) It used to be because I was sleeping most of the day with Riley when she was a newborn. But now its because I'm busy doing things through out the day. Plus I'm learning its better for my skin and hair anyways.

3. While I'm not the mom that looks down on other women who don't breastfeed... I am, I'll admit, the mom who is a bit snobby when it comes to where I buy my childs clothes. I refuse to shop at places like Gymboree & the Childrens Place. I dislike them very much. And really, I'm not half as bad as my husband. We're more than excited to be able to buy boy clothes as well. We've already started in fact:)

4. I prefer hanging out with my friends who aren't parents because then we have conversations about other things besides babies and kids. Its hard when you're with another mom to talk about something other than your children. I don't really like telling people about Riley's latest accomplishments over and over. I feel like I'm being annoying and bragging too much.

5. Riley has more books than she does toys. We don't really like to buy her toys, and she prefers books anyways. If she could she'd have me read to her all day. When we do buy her a toy its a puzzle, or a wooden toy. Yes, she is that kid that will have mostly wooden toys.

I am tagging:

• My best friend Kristen:)
• Ashley, one of my best friends here in Monterey
  
• Nikki, one of my closest mommy friends from babycenter.
  
• Madison, another close friend from babycenter.
  

Riley the toddler.

Before her tantrum

During.

&after

I remember when I first had Riley people constantly told me that every few weeks she would be a different baby. Her sleeping patterns would change. Her eating habits would be different. Her personality would start to be more obvious. I thought the big changes would only happen within the first year. But no, the big changes are still happening...like the fact that Riley has started to throw tantrums. Riley the baby never got that upset, never really cried over things. Riley the toddler, on the other hand, gets very upset. One minute she's happy and the next, angry. You tell her no, she can't play with the tv. She throws herself down and acts like the world has just ended. You take something away and she'll start screaming and rolling around on the floor. If you eat without sharing with her, she'll freak out, and force tears so you feel bad for her.

I hear this is normal though... At least all the mommies I know have told me so. Maybe they're trying to make me feel better, and I just have an awful child? ;) I kid. Thankfully she's so cute and funny. It makes dealing with the tantrums a lot easier. And I love the hugs and kisses I get after she's done. I like to think of them as apologies haha! She's a stubborn little girl but mommy is a lot more stubborn and will win most of these battles.

Nothing better.

Last night Riley was having some trouble sleeping so I went in there and held her for a bit. I love moments like those... When all she needs is simply for me to hold her. There's nothing better than having your child wrap their arms around you and rest their head on your shoulder. I wanted that moment to last forever, just the two of us in her room. We're in the process of re-training her to sleep through the night, thanks to sickness and some teething things have been thrown off. Again. While I knew I should put her right back in her crib, I didn't. I sang to her and rocked her. The older she gets the more rare these nighttime moments together become. And its even more rare that she prefers me instead of Leif to comfort her. I was cherishing the few minutes I held her and loving that she wanted me to hold her.

The whole time I held her I just thanked God for giving me this opportunity to be a mother and to raise a child. Its amazing how a little person can change your life and bless it over and over. Having Riley has made me closer to God, my husband, friends and family. I have a new appreciation for so many things and I look at things differently than before. It blows my mind! I love it:) God is so good!

Being a parent & time management.

Lately I've been making a list in my head of all the things I've learned since becoming a parent almost a year ago. I'm surprised by all the ways I've changed and the person I've become. I'm also surprised at how I've stayed the same in some aspects. Over the next few days I'll post from this list I've come up with.

• Since becoming a parent I have learned time management (finally). I've never been good at managing my time. It was my biggest struggle in college and even after. I would always forget to set time aside for homework or cooking dinner. Never cleaned when I said I would, then things would pile up and I'd be miserable. I'd always schedule too many things in one day, making it nearly impossible for myself. Somehow having a child has taught me how to organize my time and take advantage of every minute of the day. Doing this has made it so each day I have more than enough time to get things done. Naptimes make for the perfect opportunity to clean and prepare for dinner. Lunchtime is a good time to catch up on reading or returning emails. Showertime is 15 minutes of me time that I cherish. By three everyday all things have been accomplished and the rest of the day is devoted to playing with Riley. Managing my time has helped keep me organized and very stress-free! Why didn't I learn how to do this years ago???
  

Summertime.

Summer has arrived. At least it feels like it has. The weather has been perfect and hot. We even got to take Riley swimming the other day... She had fun a lot of fun splashing about with Leif, while I of course took pictures. :)

I love summer. Two years ago was the summer I was dating Leif, and we spent a majority of it apart from each other. We had only been dating one month before I moved back home for summer vacation. I spent that summer writing him lots of letters and emails. My evenings were filled with phone calls and online chatting with him. Then that August, we eloped. The following summer I was going to turn 21, and I was also 4 months pregnant when summer began. Leif and I spent that summer watching movies most nights, playing Wii, and going to the Farmers Market. I really enjoyed that summer. Leif and I really kept to ourselves, trying to enjoy every minute together because in just a few short months our daughter would be joining us.

This summer will be a lot different than my previous summers. I'm a mommy this summer, and I'm also pregnant, again. I will be moving to a whole new place, one I've never lived in or close to. It will be my first summer away from my family. But I am looking forward to taking Riley to the beach, be it in Monterey or in Oregon. I'm looking forward to sewing curtains and seat cushions. I'm looking forward to cooking more meals for Leif and giving Riley ice cream for the first time. I'm looking forward to sign language and polaroids. I'm looking forward to date nights with my husband and staying up late playing wii tennis. I'm looking forward to train rides and bike rides. I'm looking forward to the change my life is about to take on this summer.

Teething Woes:)

Riley has been teething for a good week now. I guess really its been longer, more like three weeks, but we didn't really think much of the drooling and constant gnawing. Last Sunday night Riley started getting fussy and cranky right before bed, and we would sit up with her for about two hours straight, while she screamed and cried. We did this for five nights in a row. It was hard to watch my daughter be in so much pain, and I was so grateful for Leif's help! She'd wake up at 3 or 4, screaming because of the pain. That sucked because we had adjusted to Riley sleeping through the night and I did not miss those early morning feedings! I finally bought teething tablets and more teething rings. Those have been lifesavers! So has Tylenol:)

Friday night came around and she slept through the night. Then Saturday. And Sunday night we checked her mouth and her tooth had surfaced, ready to break through. She also slept through the night. This morning we checked again, and part of the tooth has broken through. Thank Jesus! I was hoping she would only have to deal with two hours of teething like the last time, but I'll take a week over a month any day! It could always be worse right?

Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mothers Day!
I enjoyed my first Mothers Day, and I hope you enjoyed your Mothers Day as well!





I hope you were all blessed by your families today!