Thanks to Monterey

   It hit me the other day that I just might like living in Monterey. I surprised myself when I thought this. For the last almost two years we've been praying that God will make moving possible. To be close to family again. But the last few months I've felt like I should just take advantage of living here while I can because there will be a time when we'll move. Who knows when that'll be, but it'll happen and I know that I'll regret not getting to know Monterey.

  Lately I've been feeling overwhelmingly blessed to have the opportunity to live here and to know the people we know.  While connecting with people was slower in some ways, God definitely brought people early on that helped the transition.  I've been kind of freaking out at the idea of moving again. This has become home, and this is where I've grown up.  That sounds odd, but it hit me the other day: Living in Monterey is the first time I've really been on my own.  I don't know if people know this but when I was in school, my parents paid for everything. I had a part time job but that was just extra spending money. Then I got married and went from having my parents provide for me to having Leif take on that role. After Riley was born I still heavily relied on Leif and my parents. I drove out to be with my mom a few times a week and would have her come over to help with Riley. Now it seems silly of course but I was a first time mom & newlywed:) When we had to move to Monterey it took a little time for it to sink in that I was for the most part on my own.  When it finally hit me I had a hard time. While I struggled, I also began to grow. There were many frustrating conversations with God, and I was jealous of everyone who lived near family. Why didn't I get the luxury to lean on my parents and close friends while I began parenthood.

  Its all much clearer now.  Most the friends I have who do live near family, had a period in their lives where they were on their own.  This is my period + being a wife & raising kids.  I remember thinking that when I got married and when we had Riley, I grew up. And I did, in some ways. But not completely. I'm still doing a lot of growing, but thanks to Monterey, I'm learning to be an adult. Today I can honestly thank God for bringing us here. I know for Leif its different, but for me personally I've changed.  Coming here has helped me in so many ways... one of those being I believe in myself now. I am in awe at how far God has brought me and what He continues to do.  I didn't have answers before but they're becoming more clear everyday, and the timing is as always, perfect.  I have a better grasp on who Margaret is and where I want to go...  :)

 I have a new confidence in myself, but even more so, I have confidence in my Father & His blessings in my life.  I am thankful for where we are.

I do have a prayer request (or if you're into good vibes and thoughts please send me some of those!):

The past few months I've been having weird pains where my kidney & ovary are and finally went to the doctor for them. They found a cyst on my ovary (no big deal) and one on my kidney (kind of a big deal). I go in tomorrow for a CT on the kidney cyst. Just pray that although the size isn't normal, it will still be easy for them to go in and just remove it. I am SO happy they figured out what the pain was, and I'm looking forward to finding a solution!  Thanks :)

Living.

      Everyday Riley wakes me up by pulling back the covers and saying "Morning mommy!" very loudly. It drives me nuts but I love it at the same time. I love that she is so eager to start the day. She's more than excited to simply... start living another day. Beck always wakes up smiling and laughing. I try to take notes from my children. Try to imitate their joy over the simplest of things.  I find that when I do that, I feel so much better. As if I'm truly living life to the fullest. And really, that's the only way to live. 

  I am grateful for what God has given me. I find joy in the life He has given me to lead. Sometimes things are tough but He has always provided. And will continue to do so. I'm learning that I don't have time to waste on petty arguments, wanting things I don't have, being upset, gossiping, concerning myself with things that don't pertain to me, people that bring me down, complaining... My time is limited. I'd rather make sure that most of it (cause lets be realistic, I'm not perfect, ha!) is used to uplift, encourage, love, live, breath, celebrate, dance, praise, be happy, eat! And the list could go on. 

  I am all about living right here and now. 

Gratitude Thursday

I'm thankful for these babies.
They remind me that God is good and gracious.

Yesterday started out well but by late morning/early afternoon things were out of control. My control. It stressed me out! I actually sat in a parking lot and cried for a minute or two. I called Leif after and told him about how my morning/afternoon had gone, after telling him though I realized it really wasn't that bad. I drove home thanking God that He was in control and not me:)

When I came home both of the kids were sleeping. At one point Riley wanted out of her crib and ended up sleeping in the living room next to Beck( I posted a picture yesterday). I sat on the couch and watched them sleep. They looked so peaceful. It was so precious and I wanted to remember that moment forever. It was a reminder of how good God is to Leif and I. No matter how bad my day has gone, He is still faithful and He is still in control.

Being content

"The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest"
-Psalm 85:12

I'm learning to be content with where God has me, has our family. For the past few weeks I've been struggling with the idea of being far from family and friends who are like family. I hate the idea of grandparents not seeing Riley grow, only seeing her every few months. I'm jealous of families that live close to their parents and brothers and sisters. I want that for our family so badly.

But, this is what God wants for us right now. Most days I fight Him about it, question our being in Monterey. What was once excitement is now anger and some disappointment. I really don't understand why we're here and not somewhere else. And when I mean somewhere else I mean near family. God knows though, has His reasons for bringing us here and that comforts me. That brings me peace and joy.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and we were talking about where we'd like to be. Where we see ourselves in a few years. She said she wanted to leave Southern California and doesn't know what she'd do if God wants her to remain there. That made me stop and panic in a way. I don't want God to keep us here for very long! But then I remembered why we came here in the first place: We wanted to follow where God lead us, no matter where that was. We were excited about that... Where has that excitement gone? Why aren't we content simply knowing that God has us here for a reason and will bless us while we're here?

I've found a new excitement for Monterey and whats in store for our family. I know my God is good. Always.

Church.

Leif and I are still trying to find a church. We've visited a few, but so far none of them have felt like home. Its not even that the churches haven't been good churches, they have. They just don't seem to fit us, our family and our needs. Instead of focusing on the bad aspects of the church, Leif and I have been trying to point out the good in each church. I've learned that too many times I am quick to judge a church and its people, always finding the negative. No church is perfect, there are always things to work on. Just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it doesn't work for another person.

I have been enjoying the visits to the churches. I love watching everyone worship Jesus. That's the one thing that's been the same in every church we've gone to. The love and reverence for God. The passion and desire to know Him more. Its beautiful really... Its a reminder of how heaven will be. Glorious.

I've been praying about church and my need to be part of one. God is constantly reminding me that He has a 'home' for us. He will lead us there. I'm just so impatient and I want to be lead there right now! I want Riley to grow up in church with a church family. I think its so important for our family and our relationship with Jesus and each other. I've almost come to the point where I want to give up the search, but my need for more of Him and guidance through the Word, has made me want to keep trying. I know that God has a place for us. We just need to allow Him to take us there.

Please Pray.

Please pray for baby Stellan.

Currently he's not doing well and is in need of your prayers.
Please head here to show your support: MckMama
Please take a moment to pray for Stellan and his family. For his doctors and the nurses that are caring for him. For the decisions that will be made that will change his life.

Intercession

Hi Margaret,
In praying for you and your family, the Lord has shown me a beautiful image of you and Leif reaching out to those whom the church normally would not. That is powerful for the Kingdom of God and a ministry in great need. Keep seeking Him for your calling in Christ Jesus.

Last night someone sent me this message and it really meant a lot to me. First, that someone was praying specifically for Leif and I, and that God put this on their heart. And second, that He has a plan for us. Ever since we found out about Monterey I felt like God was leading us there to do something great for His Kingdom.

Continue to pray.

Hallelujah!

I love this picture so much.
I feel like it says so much about my relationship with Leif
&the love we share.
I'm happy I get to serve God with him.

Good News/Bad News

So we have some good and exciting news: Leif got the job in Monterey! We're very excited, nervous but excited:) This is going to be a new adventure for us and we're ready! We can't wait to experience something so different than we've ever experienced before. While its nerve-racking to move away from family and close friends, its thrilling because you don't know what to expect. We're being thrown into something very new, where we will definitely have to leave our comfort zone. We know that God has big plans for us and knows whats He's doing. Its such a comfort and joy to know that our God is leading us somewhere to better serve Him.

We found a community about a mile and a half from Leif's job, that was formally military housing. Its for government employees and I believe ex-military. They have some houses open and we're praying that we're able to get one. It would be a nice change to live in a house, instead of an apartment. And I would love a yard! Also, who doesn't want a free gym membership? We're going to start packing this coming week, just a little by little... And we're enjoying our last few weeks here in Southern California. It's going to be hard to leave but, and its weird that I say this, it feels like its time.
Our bad, well sad, news is that most likely I've miscarried. Most people don't like to tell people they're pregnant until about 12 weeks, when your risk of miscarriage has gone way down. But I wanted to make sure I shared that I was pregnant with as many people as possible. Because it is so important to me to have all the support and prayers possible. And if I did has a miscarriage, I would still have the support and prayers .

Thursday I started spotting, but then it stopped and I made an appointment for the following day. Instead of sitting around that night I went and spent time with close friends. I needed to be around people that loved and cared for me. It helped. I slept well that night, comforted by prayers. The following day we went to the doctor and saw the sac. It was too early for a heartbeat and too early to tell if the baby was growing normally or abnormally. That was hard to hear, I was praying we would hear a heartbeat. Instead I was sent to the lab to test my hormone levels. I have to go back on Tuesday to retest and then have the levels compared. If they have gone up then that's wonderful, if not... Well no so good. The bleeding started again last night and when we went to bed it was hard. I was in so much pain, I just cried because it hurt so bad. When I woke up this morning I had peace. While we're still praying and hoping, both Leif and I are at peace with what has happened. There is a chance I'm still pregnant but its a small chance.

I know that God is good, I also know He has a plan and usually I don't understand this plan. This is one of those times I don't understand but I'm not upset. I always thought I would be but I'm happy. I'm so blessed and thankful. All I can think about is just how wonderful and good my Father is. If my baby wasn't suppose to be born, then it wasn't. God knows more than I, and trust Him. Last year, I wouldn't have said that but thankfully I've learned how to trust and let go of things. God will bless me with more children when the timing is right. I don't doubt that at all!

Its amazing how amidst tragedy you really can see just how great God is.

Thank you all for your prayers and love:)!

God is in control!

God has given me peace. A lot of it.

Leif will no longer have a job come June 11. There's no more funding for his position and they're over budget. Its understandable, no one is concerned with giving NASA money because there are more important things to spend money on at the moment. We found this out on Tuesday and at first I cried and was upset. But then I spoke with my mom and she told me I had a choice: "I could mope or I could trust God". I decided to Trust. So while Leif and I could be complaining, stressing about money, worrying, etc. We have chosen to allow God to do His job. We have chosen to trust Him with everything and continue to live our lives knowing that He is good and He will take care of us.

With this choice God has given me peace. I have no fear. I simply have hope. I also have excitement:) While this is very unexpected, we're seeing it as a blessing in disguise. We're considering so many different options. School being the top one. Leif was a psychology major and has wanted to go back to school since he graduated two and a half years ago. We're talking about grad school. Should he pursue a MA or a MA & a Phd? Where would that put our family for 2 or 5 years? We are talking about what we should do, where we should go, but we don't want to forget that God is the one who is really in control and at the end of the day we're going to end up where He wants us, and doing what He wants us to do.

Tonight was a bit hard though because we've become so involved with our church and have grown close with so many people. It really hit me tonight, after I spent a weekend at church, that I might not be here for much longer. That I won't be around all the wonderful people that bless me so much in so many ways! Its hard for me to imagine leaving this community that God has blessed us with. I've never felt apart of a family and community like this and it scares me a bit to leave it. I love church, I love being surrounded by people that are constantly uplifting me and encouraging me. Leif and I are finding ourselves being blessed always. Why do we have to leave?!

At the same time, I know Leif and I will leave the church knowing that we have learned a lot. Although we haven't been there for very long, we have learned so much. Especially me. The women in the church have been great examples of godly wives and godly mothers. They are godly women. The type of woman I am striving to be everyday! I know God is good and He will guide Leif and I to a church that He wants us to be part of.

While its a bit daunting not knowing what our future looks like, where money will be coming from, its so comforting to know that God is bigger than job loss:) When we were in this situation last year He took care of us. Why wouldn't He do it again? We know He will!

Hallelujah!

Please keep us in your prayers, we appreciate them. We definitely believe that when two or more are gathered, prayers are answered!

Limiting God.

I'm learning that I tend to limit God often. I limit His goodness, His power, His greatness. If I can't fix something then God can't either. Why do I have this mentality? I said something to someone a few weeks ago that basically translated: "Its impossible". And she looked at me and was like "No, don't limit God. Nothing is impossible with Him". And I was just like "THANK YOU!" I needed to hear that. I needed to be reminded of that. I still do constantly. I refuse to limit my Lord.

This week I've been reciting Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". I like to look up all the different versions for verses and another favorite way of saying this verse: "I have strength for anything through Him who gives me power." Amen!

The past few days have been so unexpected and Leif and I are both at a point where the only strength we have is God. Its interesting how it takes a lot of bad sometimes, to make you fully rely on the Lord. To truly cling to Him and trust Him. Only in a time of despair is it easy to do that, because you're left with no other options. Shouldn't God always be our first option? Oh, I have so much to learn:) God is so patient with me, and so faithful! While things are so unsure and up in the air at the moment, God has given me peace. He is reminding me that He has given us the spirit of peace and a sound mind, not of fear.

He is not a God of fear. Nor is He a God who can't handle anything. He is God. He is all knowing and powerful. I should be more than happy to give my problems and complaints to Him. If anyone can handle them, God can:)! Hallelujah!

I still wake up next to Leif and am amazed that I get to spend my whole life with him. I am so blessed to have a husband who has amazing faith and never forgets brings me sunflowers every 15th of every month.

How blessed am I? I get to be mommy to this beautiful baby girl, who makes everything so much more wonderful than it was before. Thank you Jesus for your goodness.

Prayer Requests

I've been praying for Riley from the minute I knew I was pregnant, and actually... I was praying long before then. When Riley was born I found myself praying for her more often, praying little things, and big. From sleeping well to knowing Jesus in the future. While in the process of praying for Riley more, I've found myself praying for others more often as well. Simple things like praying their day goes well, that they pass tests, do well in work... so forth. I've really been enjoying it plus that's more time with God!

I think its important to pray. I also think its important to pray for others. It doesn't take long, just a simple prayer asking God to bless someone and give them strength. If you pray and even if you don't, please offer up one for my family and I:) And if you have any prayer requests you would like us to pray please let me know! Even if its just a quick prayer that you have a good day at work or get some sleep, Leif and I will be more than happy to pray for you and your family.

An update and some

First, my husband is ridiculous and I'm a bit embarrassed... But flattered so thank you:) I don't know about ANTM, I honestly just want to try out so I can meet Tyra and hug her. Seriously. I love her.

Second, I promised an update on things happening around here.

• We're all over the sickness completely. Thank Jesus.
  
• We moved from our upstairs apartment into a downstairs apartment last weekend, while sick. That was a bit sucky but we're loving our new place, especially the hardwood floors.
• We bought our first couch and rug:) (A rug Riley already pee'd on) It was a very exciting experience for us. Around this time last year we moved into our first apartment and all the living room furniture was given to us. So grateful for that!
  
• We're becoming more connected with our church! This is something Leif and I are thrilled about. We've been trying to find a good family church since last April. We joined a small foursquare church in Pasadena back in September and we've been loving it. It honestly feels like a family and everyone is so welcoming. How church should be:) We're looking forward to being even more plugged in.
• God's continuing to bless us daily and we're very grateful for everything He has given us, gives us and will give us. Leif and I are also still praying about Oregon and guidance for that, so if you have a minute today please offer up a prayer for us! Much appreciated!

Last night, after we prayed, I was telling Leif about how it still amazes me that we were given such a beautiful daughter, who blesses us all the time. While I'm surprised at God's goodness, at the same time its not surprising. Because, He's such a wonderful father. He gives us more than we deserve. I'm so thankful that He has given Riley to Leif and I. I love being a mother and I know Leif loves being a father. Best thing that's ever happened to us.
Although its a little ways off (hopefully only a few months:), we can't wait until we have more children. Having Riley has shown us that we really do want to have a large family. It's also shown us that love is not limited. Love is unlimited.