Color.

      The other day Riley came up to me and said "Mommy brown" pointing to my skin.  I asked her what color she was and she said "Riley tan. I asked her what color daddy was, she said "Daddy pink" :) I've written before how we don't talk about color in our home, at least not yet. There's no need because at home we're simply a family. It's so different when we leave our home though...

  I roll my eyes when parents say they're teaching their kids to be "color-blind" and they accept everyone. To me thats simply ignoring the fact that there are other types of people out there besides your own. Being color-blind in theory sounds good, but what good does it do a child if they never learn about other cultures or learn that there are other ethnicities besides their own. Other cultures should be respected, the person as a whole should be accepted. Colors and all.

  Today I experienced a bit of racism. I'm still in shock and a little frustrated. Not frustrated because of the situation but my friends responses. I made the "mistake" of posting this in my status: 

"This man just parked next to me, looked over at me then backed up and parked in another spot. One of the reasons I hate Chilis"

  People responded of course, some just being surprised a person would do that, others defending Chilis, and then in a way defending the man. They knew what I was getting at but its hard for people, especially here in California to grasp that there are still people that are going to dislike others because of their color. Even if they have a black person telling them about different experiences they laugh it off nervously, making excuses or even sometimes calling you "too sensitive". Thankfully no one did this but people offered suggestions like "Oh its because you're a woman driver" (which in itself would have also made me upset... ;) Or maybe I did something to offend him, all joking of course. Yes, I did offend him, by being black. I got fed up because people either weren't taking it seriously or they were making terrible excuses. I don't blow up on facebook because its a waste of time, but when people I consider friends make jokes or defend someone who was doing something to spite me, I think I need to say something. 

   I can't describe the feeling when someone looks at you with such disgust and you begin to feel as if you don't belong there (And as Leif said, I didn't. We hate Chilis, haha.). I think what made me really upset was the fact that my children were with me. They don't understand now but one day they'll ask me. I don't want to hear someone tell me about how far we've come, believe me I'm aware. But are you aware of how far we need to go? Its sad but whats sadder is the fact that people deny that there are others out there that are still racist. Even here in California. I just got off the phone with my mom and she had to give me some tough love. I cried. Because there will be more experiences like this, and not just for me but my kids. That kills me.  

I try not to talk about race because it makes people nervous. It used to make me nervous and I avoided it and stuck to me "only white friends". I'm a bit embarrassed about that time in my life, I was basically in denial. I know that a lot of my friends are too, despite the fact that here I am, living proof of certain things. I don't want to change anyone, but I would like people to be aware. The older I get the more I notice things and the more passionate I become. My children should not have to grow up surrounded by ignorant people, who will dislike them simply because they're brown. Its part of life though and the best I can do is prepare my kids. God made us this way and I never want my children to be ashamed, but to celebrate who they are. 

Beautiful.

When Leif and I first started dating and we'd go out people would stare. I noticed and sometimes it made me uncomfortable. When I was pregnant people would really stare, and from time to time I got a disapproving glance. Now when we go out as a family people still stare, especially at Riley. Once people see Leif and I together, they make an effort to see what our child looks like. The other day when we were at the aquarium, a family that was behind us got in front of us, and kept looking back to see Riley.

The whole black-white interracial dating/marriage isn't new, in fact its become a lot more common over the last few years. It still surprises some people though. And when there's a child in the picture then you tend to hear this phrase often: "Biracial children are the most beautiful". I think my baby is beautiful, but not because she's half white and half black. When my friends found out I was pregnant, I constantly heard "Your baby has to be beautiful because you're black and Leif is white". I hated when people would say that. I'd always cringe. Couldn't my child be beautiful simply because she was mine?

Another thing people like to point out is the fact that my child will have "soft" hair compared to mine. I've had people stop me a lot in the store to comment on Riley, and point out how cute her curls are. And every once in awhile someone will let me know that my child is lucky to have hair that isn't nappy like mine. While they don't use the exact word nappy, they hint at it. Really, what's wrong with "nappy" hair? If my child had it, would it make her less beautiful? (Oh black hair, I must save that for another post).

In our house race doesn't matter, we're simply a family. Once we leave our house though it seems to matter a bit more. I want my daughter to know that she's beautiful because God made her, like He's made everyone. Not because of Leif being white, or me being black.

Bi-Racial

I stumbled across this video on youtube, its a trailer for a documentary called Bi-Racial... Not Black Damnit. I've never really gone into race on this blog. Never talked about being in an interracial relationship or about the fact that Riley is half black and half white. Part of this is because its not something I think about really and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Riley's still really young. She can't ask Leif and I questions about her color, or ours. As she gets older I'm sure I'll blog more about it... There have been a few experiences I've had with her that I want to write about.

Before she was born I did a lot of research on bi-racial children and raising a bi-racial child. I learned a lot of interesting things. Two of the topics that were touched on a lot was are bi-racial children who are mixed with black and white, just considered black or should they be called bi-racial? And, is it really fair to the child for them to be two races? Will they ever fit in? I think this documentary looks interesting and its nice to see hear thoughts from children and adults who are bi-racial. There's this little girl who says something at the end though about being embarrassed by her mom being black since all her friends are white. That was hard to hear and watch. I always wonder what Riley will have to say about being black and white.

I think raising a bi-racial child is like raising any other child, but I do think at the same time its a little different because of the race factor.