Struggling.

I'm really struggling with the idea of staying at home with my children for the next few years before they go off to school. I've loved the time I've had with Riley so far, but I miss working and being involved with social justice groups. With another baby on the way I'm having an even harder time with staying at home. I think some women love being at home with their children and could never imagine working with a family. I'm not that woman. Part of me wants to be that person though, because I feel a little guilty. I'm blessed to be able to stay at home with Riley, I know this.

I hate that I'm not making a difference and that most of my conversations through out the day revolve around babies, and their latest accomplishments. I'm tired of the only productive thing I've done all day is clean the bathroom and wash the dishes. I love making dinner for my husband and having a clean home for him to come home too. I just feel like there's so much more for me to be doing. I'm getting restless being at home everyday, all day. We go out and do things, the park, play dates, errands here and there. So much more to life... So much more going on outside of my bubble.

I've been thinking about this a lot because I've been trying to get myself involved with social justice groups and such. I've learned that being at home with Riley makes it hard for me to go out and do these things. I always wanted to work for a non-profit organization and I still want to do that. Badly. There are so many things close to my heart that I want to be helping with, spreading awareness about. Its hard though, because of my decision to stay at home.

For now I'm trying to figure out ways to be involved from home. I love being a mother and a wife, but that's not all I am.