The past few months have been trying on Leif and I. I'm not even sure where to start. We've broken down a lot in the last few weeks. We've been frustrated and angry. There have been tears and lots of questions. "Why are we in Monterey?!" "Why are our kids growing up so far from their grandparents?" I know personally I've been upset with God and impatient with Him. I know there is a reason we are here, I know its important for something but we aren't seeing answers. That's hard on us. We haven't been happy, content yes, but not happy. We're tired and worn out. We feel as if we have no control and we have to just sit here and watch what unfolds. Isn't that how it is though? From work to not being able to go out alone to the kids sleeping in our bed instead of their own. Things around the house keep breaking and we think we're ahead but then a doctor bill comes. We don't want to use credit cards but somehow we end up using them. Nothing seems to go the way we planned. We've been in situations where nothing went according to plan but for some reason this time of our lives is especially hard.
We were driving down to Southern California for Thanksgiving and Rileys birthday (I have to post about our now 2-year old!) and Leif and I talked about how this is just a season. It'll pass. Before we know it we won't be in Monterey, and we will be living near family and having to adjust to that. Our kids are going to be sleeping in their own beds for the rest of their lives so why worry about them wanting to be close to us now? There will come a time when Leif and I can go on dates as much as we want, we should take advantage of the family time now. Work will have its stressful moments but thankfully Leif has a job and my business has been growing. We can pay our bills and buy food and put gas in our car.
Its hard living when you feel as if you can't stay above the water or find your footing. It really breaks a person when you constantly feel discouraged. I've never experienced this before so I'm really overwhelmed and unsure of what to do or how to handle everything. Normally I feel so prepared and know how to handle what life throws at me. But not this time. Dare I say it? I feel as if we have been forgotten here. I know this isn't true, but thats how it feels. I'm comforted though when I remember that this is a season. Be it long or short, its a season. And we will get through it.
I must say the kids have been a constant reminder of goodness and joy for Leif and I. We are so blessed, even in times where it seems like nothing is going right. I know that I speak for both of us when I say that our babies have been the best things that have happened to us:)
On to brighter and better things! I've been posting more frequently on my photo blog, photos of the kids and other things. Check it out! Just posted a new post about making changes in 2011! Photo blog!
4 comments:
First off ((hugs)) to you and your hubby. Your honesty and words totally resonate with me. Being a parent is so rewarding, but its so freaking hard too. I mean REALLY, REALLY hard. And to top it off, it's often a lonely job, especially when your family is not near.
But you are right,it will pass. Hang in there and relish in the tiny family moments. Honestly, that's one of the only things that makes all well in my tiny, intimate world...lol!!
Much love to you and your family during this trying season. I'm glad you know that things won't be like this forever and your children are so lucky to have you and your husband.
P.S. I've been enjoying your photography blog!
Life is not always easy and being a wife & a parent are big responsibilities. Being an adult is a big responsibilty too. Just take one day at a time & appreciate what God has provided you. Your kids, your family, your jobs, your home etc. Life is too short to stress about it. We all have our hard times. Just keep your faith. Remember he brings us down to bring us back up again. Keep your faith in him.
I believe I'm older than you so when I say this DEFINITELY is a season - let me tell you it DEFINITELY is.
I have been through this so many times in my 20s and now 30s. It seems to be a cyclical pattern of testing, growth and "ah ha!" moments.
Also, when you're just scapping by and you have two small children (i was in the same boat but as a single parent after divorce) it can definitely feel like you've been left to fend for yourself and you're all alone. Seemingly no one can understand where you are and what you're going through (at least, that's what you think).
But when you come out of it, you will look back on this time as "NOW" I know why we went through this. NOW I understand why we were in Monterey - and look at us now! :)
It all works out and everything happens for a reason. I'm a FIRM believer in this.
Blessings to you and your family.
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